Kor’Thank: A High School Absurdical

“Eight…”  I flex my dumbbell-weighted wiener, lifting eighty pounds of steel with my off-the-charts sphincter-strength.  “NINE…”  I flex again.  My entire pelvic floor quivers and jumps.  “TEN!  HRRAAAGH!”  I rip off my wiener-weight harness and pump my fist. 

Yes!  New personal record!  One of these days, I hope Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion will recognize my strapping, upcurved penis and we’ll record a song together called SAC (Strong-Ass Cock)

Okay—time to eat some protein and wash my ballsack (gets a little ripe, as you can imagine).  What’s the use in exercising your hog if you don’t feed it and clean it, amirite?  But just as I open my shake-stocked fridge, an enormous explosion rocks my condo. 

What the hell?  I run over to the window and peer outside. 

Holy shit—there’s an enormous mob standing in the parking lot, wielding pitchforks, baseball bats, and a wide variety of improvised weapons. 

They’ve finally come for me.

The Ungifted.

“DAMN YOU AND YOUR THICK, UPCURVED PENIS!” one of them screams.  “YOU’VE MADE IT A LIVING HELL FOR US NEEDLE-DICKS, MUSHROOM-CAPS, AND GERBIL-NUBS!”

“Hey, I didn’t—” I duck down as a Molotov cocktail arcs toward me and explodes on the wall, coating the stucco in a lash of flames.  “I didn’t ask for this!  It was given to me, motherfuckers!”

“UNDESERVEDLY SO!  NOW WE COME TO TAKE OUR REVENGE!”

The mob rushes toward me, hoisting ladders high above their heads.  One by one, they begin clacking against the wall—it’s only a matter of time before they climb onto my balcony.

Fuck it.  No options left.  I open my eReader to Kor’Thank, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

“RUAAAHHHH!!!”  My ginormous cock bursts from my pants, eclipsing the moon with its Godzilla-size head.  “WHO DARES DISTURB MY SLUMBER???”

“Retreat!” the Ungifted scream.  “Holy Mary mother of FUCK!”

“FEE FI FO FUM!” my penis roars.  “PREPARE TO BLEED FROM YOUR SPLIT-OPEN RECTUM!”

It starts whipping up and down, mashing handfuls of Ungifted into pavement.  Pretty soon, the rabble-rousing horde is completely scattered, marked by bloody pockets of crushed bodies.

“FLEE, YOU SMALL-DICKED FUCKS!”  My wiener wraps several Ungifted into its veiny coils, squeezing them tightly until their eyes go red from burst veins.  Red-black gore squirts from their over-pressured anuses and gaping mouths.  “RUN HOME TO YOUR UNSATISFIED LOVERS—MOO HOO HA HA!”

That’s what you get, assholes, for persecuting my Strong-Ass Cock!  HEH heh heh!

😀

 

Have a Frankenstein mob of ugly-genitaled folk amassed at your home?  Never fear!  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

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