In my first year of high school, I learned to become a “Daywalker.”  You may recognize the term from Blade—it describes a half-vampire, half-human that has all of the strengths of a vampire, but none of the weaknesses.

I call myself that because I’m a nerd and a jock—I enjoy lifting and all forms of grappling, but I also read comic books and recite the lines along with the characters when I watch OG Star Wars.  I’ve managed to conceal my geekishness behind a bulging pair of guns and a sleek set of abs (need to get a laugh?  Tell people you’re injured and resting at home.  When they ask what’s wrong, lift up your shirt and tell them I need to heal these CUTS, muhfuh!). 

Thankfully, the jocks don’t suspect I binge-watch anime or listen to girly pop.  This allows me to wander in and out of disparate worlds—between night and day, if you will.

I smile to myself as I load up a squat barbell with a handful of wheels, trying to imagine what their reaction would be if they knew I was listening to “Eternal Flame” by the Bangles.  They’d probably question my heterosexuality and penis size, then stick my head in a toilet and give me a swirly.  Not very innovative, I know, but that’s jocks for you.

As I knock out reps, I earn approving looks from my fellow meatheads.  The script is predictable:  look at beast-mode Kent, getting after it again.  He’s one of us.  One of the strong.  One of the deserving.

But then my iPhone fritzes and blinks.  Suddenly, it switches from headphone to speakers.

“SAY MY NAME, SUN SHINES THROUGH THE RAIN…”

Fuck.  FUCK!  I fumble with my phone, tapping the screen and pausing the song.  Too late—they’ve formed a circle around me, rage-filled eyes burning in their skulls.

“HE’S NOT ONE OF US!” one of them screams.  “GET HIM!”

They rush toward me, filling the gym with brutish howls.  I catch the first with a hip-throw, then another with an ankle-pick.

There’s too damn many of ’em.  I’ve got two or three seconds before they swirly the fuck out of my goddamned face.

So I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

The walls burst inward, saturating the air with crumbly powder.  Hot-ass Soccer Moms hit the floor in anime-style crouches—one knee down, the other knee up.  They rise to their feet in perfect unison.

The one in front of me declares:  “Kent Wayne and his delicious dick are under our protection.”

The jock holding my right arm squints in puzzlement.  “Mom?”

She levels her gaze at him.  “Fuck off back to the house.  You don’t want to see what happens next.”  She nods at the other moms.  “Proceed.”

The moms march forward, shoving the jocks out of the way and piling atop me.  Dozens of hands grope my wiener.  Tongues dart in and out of my ears and run up and down my neck.

“Mom?  MOM?  NO!  PLEAAAAASEEE!!!!”  (sounds like Luke when he found out Vader rawdogged his mom.)  Jocks start bawling as my penis springs from its confines.  It’s immediately barraged by lips and fingers. 

I pillow my hands behind my head, smiling like the cat that got the cream.

“MOOOOOOOOOMMMM!!!!”

Music to my ears!  HEH heh heh!

Kent Wayne wins again!  Ha HA!

😀

 

Have a bunch of meatheads turned against you for your questionable taste in music?  Never fear!  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited