BEFORE THERE WAS TIME, BEFORE THERE WAS SPACE…
“Alright, think I’ll be a sea god. You guys call me Poseidon from now on, okay?”
“Sounds good. I’ll be Zeus. Lightning, thunder, general badassery.”
Everyone starts talking, snatching up titles and god-names. I’m not into it—being a god seems like way too much work.
“What about you?” All eyes turn to me.
“Um…” I scratch my head. “Think I’ll be Kent Wayne. Can I just…can I just stay up here?”
Then: “YOU CAN’T STAY UP HERE, DIPSHIT! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING???”
And: “WE JUST SPENT TWO ETERNITIES CREATING THE BEST SIMULATION OF ALL FUCKING TIME, HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU NOT GONNA—”
And: “ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? DISRESPECTFUL FUCK!”
“CONJURE HIM AN ANUS SO WE CAN RIP IT APART! FUCK THIS ASSHOLE!”
Shit! I close my eyes and teleport away, bouncing between Hyperspace Valhalla (still under construction), Ninth ring of Purgatory (mostly finished) and a dozen other dimensions. It doesn’t matter—they’ve got the same acausal abilities as me. As I rocket through the interdimensional bleed, they follow hot on my heels, blinking into existence right after I do.
Fuck it. No options left. So I reach deep in my mind, focusing on a badass science fiction series I plan on writing called Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
Just as I phase into solid matter, I hear them yelling and screaming in frustration and rage.
“NO! HE PICKED THE BEST ONE! NOOOOOO!!!!”
Kent Wayne, sci-fi author and well-endowed Man Whore, at your service! Ha HA!
Kent Wayne escapes again!
Have you pissed off a bunch of stodgy-ass godlings? Never fear! Get Kor’Thank here: Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜 #Kindle #KindleUnlimited