Kor’Thank: A High School Absurdical

Man, I thought 2021 would be better than 2020, but apparently, that isn’t in the cards.  A whole new crazy seems to have made its way onto the stage.  Shit—even my porn searches come up with COVID scenes. 

Gotta get back to the days of yore—when I was a freewheeling Man Whore and nothing more.  (Didn’t mean to rhyme, but that would make a good mantra, wouldn’t it?)  To that end, I’m gonna eat a handful of magic mushies—

OMMERNOMPF MCGLOMPF!

—and send my psyche into a parallel universe, one where I can escape the terrors of pandemics, civil unrest, and rabid Karens.

Oh shit I’m coming up—

YIB-YOB MCGOOBERCUNT!

…….

…………….

 

Huh?  Dafuq?  I shade my eyes with the flat of my hand, squinting up at an adjustable doctor’s lamp.

“Where…where am I?”

A doctor’s face—surgical mask and cap—resolves into view.  “You’re in an underground bunker, where we perform cutting-edge nanotech surgery.  Relax, Kent—your body is now immune to K-VID.”

“Huh?”  My forehead crinkles in puzzlement.  “Don’t you mean COVID?”

He cocks his head, returning my expression.  “No, K-VID:  the Karen Virus.  You know—the one that swept the Earth and made 10% of the population into manager-hungry oxygen thieves.”

Ah—I’ve wandered into a parallel dimension.  Well, as long as they have a vaccine for K-VID, it’s all gravy.

“Oh, that’s good.”  I relax back onto the bed and close my eyes.  “Wouldn’t want to be a Karen…”

“Unfortunately, it had the unpleasant side effect of shrinking your wiener.”

My eyes fly open.

“What?  Wait—” I frantically feel around my ankle and calf, which is where I usually tie my award-winning piece.  “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!?”

“Come on, Kent.”  The doctor scoffs.  “It’s not like you didn’t have a couple feet to spare.”

“No, you don’t understand!”  I clutch my head and stumble off the table. 

“Security?”  The doctor takes a couple steps back, arms raised in a fearful warding gesture.  “SECURITY!”

“I have enough blood in just my dickhead to feed Blade, his enemies, and the vampires in the United States Congress for several dozen years!  IT CAN’T BE STORED IN AN AVERAGE-SIZED COCK!!!”

My vision goes red as excess blood pours from my tear ducts.  I can feel my organs bloating and distending—threatening to rupture like overfilled balloons.  Can’t…HOLD ON…MUCH LONGER…

So I open my eReader to Kor’Thank, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

YERGLE MURGLE BER-DRIPPY-DICK!

I go rocketing back to my homeworld, complete with viruses, unrest, and Karens.  I instinctively feel between my legs, and…

WHEW!

The world may be ending, but at least I’ve got an unstoppable Death Cock!  Sk’DOO!

😀

 

Have you inadvertently risked death and destruction by fleeing this world’s woes at the expensive of your unimaginably beautiful genitalia?  Never fear!  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

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