Kor’Thank: A High School Absurdical

I once was a man named Kent Wayne.  No one calls me that anymore.

No one calls me anything anymore.

Everybody’s gone.

2021 was even worse than 2020.  Economic collapse.  Civil War.  The rise of the Karens.

2022—the end of civilization as we knew it.

We could have survived climate change and the ravages of war, due to the alien technology that was finally made public.  But no one had an answer for the Karen Conglomerate.  At first they were just a movement, but when a critical mass of them gathered together, a wave of mind-exploding stupidity infected the Earth.  Those who were lucky died from an aneurysm.  The less fortunate were transformed into she-beasts—slobbering horrors with spindly, demonic limbs.  I call them Kerrors (like a cross between Karen and terror).  Much like bears, they try to eat you asshole first.  Only they laugh raucously as they’re doing it.

I’ve managed to avoid them through stealth and caution, eating from abandoned fridges and deserted supermarkets.  Right now I’m foraging for candy in a Seven Eleven, shoving a variety of junk food into a sack.

After this I might be able to make it to Walmart, where I’m pretty sure I can get my hands on some–

And then I hear a single footstep, crunching an empty soda bottle into a crinkly mess.  I freeze in place.

I slowly turn around, trying to keep my hands from shaking.  The moon shines through the Seven Eleven’s windows, painting everything in sickly pale light.

Oh my God.  It’s a fucking Kerror.  One of the bigger ones—she must have watched nonstop megachurch back when she was human.

It sniffs and snorts with its eyeless snout, then curls its lips in a predatory grimace.  It throws its head back and lets loose with three, nerve-jarring chuffs—AROOK!  AROOK!  AROOK!—and begins padding toward me.  A second later, it’s full-on charging.

Fuck it.  No options left.  So I open my eReader to Kor’Thank, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

Quantum energy explodes from the eReader, coalescing into an undulant wave that sweeps the Earth.  (if this were a movie, you’d hear wondrous Destiny Music while panning out to a planetary view and showing glittering light enveloping our world).  Every Kerror changes to what middle-age ladies are SUPPOSED to be:

Hot-ass soccer moms.  OH yeah!

Oh, almost forgot—I’m the only living male left on Earth.

Huh—imagine that.

Kent Wayne wins again!

😀

Has 2020 kicked into high fucking gear and unlocked the full evil within every Karen?  Never fear!  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

3 thoughts on “Kor’Thank: A High School Absurdical

  1. 🙏

    On Wed, 23 Dec, 2020, 10:33 pm Dirty Sci-Fi Buddha, wrote:

    > DirtySciFiBuddha posted: “I once was a man named Kent Wayne. No one calls > me that anymore. No one calls me anything anymore. Everybody’s gone. 2021 > was even worse than 2020. Economic collapse. Civil War. The rise of the > Karens. 2022—the end of civilization as we knew it. ” >

    Liked by 1 person

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