JANUARY 1, 2020.
“All right, Kent.” The Big Guy gives me a cautious look. “You’ve got this. Right?”
“Of course.” I throw an impatient wave. “Go on vacation, man. You’ve earned it.”
“Right.” He clears his throat. “Make sure you refill the ocean every week, repaint the sky if it starts looking grimy, and—”
“Dude.” I wave at him again. “I’ll be fine.”
Another cautious look. “Be careful—things can get out of hand pretty quickly.”
“Quit worrying. Go have fun.”
“Awesome. Thanks for doing this. See you in a year.”
Oh, man—this is GREAT! The Big Guy left me in charge! I can do whatever I damn well please!
But now that I’ve jerked it the world’s supply of MILF porn and eaten every kind of pizza, what should I do? I mean, there’s only so many episodes of Adventure Time, and I’ve made out with my beautiful biceps to the point of soreness…
Ugh. So sleepy. Shouldn’t have jerked it so much. Think I’ll doze for a bit.
SEVERAL MONTHS LATER…
Oh SHIT! Viruses! Murder Hornets! KARENS! What the FUCK???
Given time, the world can heal itself from viruses and hornets, but those goddamn Karens need to be stopped. The Big Guy didn’t give me a reset button—I’m gonna have to fix this problem by problem.
Fuck it. I open my eReader to Kor’Thank, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
Tchaikovsky’s 1812 overture blasts through the air, enveloping the world in triumphant symphony. Televised megachurches begin exploding one by one, painting the sky with spectacular fireworks and making every Karen scream in pain–they clutch the air while shitting their pants. I close my eyes and move my hands back and forth, impromptu-conducting my anti-Karen orchestra. Dahdadadada DAH-da-daaa…Dahdadadada DAH-da-daaa…
For the anti-Karen finale, every tv and computer tuned to Fox and Friends suddenly goes dark. The world over, Karens combine their voices into an ear-piercing shriek. As horrendous as it sounds, it brings a smile to my face.
Because it’s music to my ears. HEH heh heh!
Have you snoozed at the helm of existence and inadvertently let the world lapse into fire and darkness? Never fear! Get Kor’Thank here: Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜 #Kindle #KindleUnlimited