Kor’Thank: A High School Absurdical

As I finish making love to Kathryn, the latest Soccer Mom to grace my bed, I let loose with my customary cry of coital triumph—“I’LL BE HOG WALLERED!”—and collapse onto my side.

Aaaah…not a single sperm left in my yib-yobs.  This is the life, lemme tell ya!

“Oh, Kent.”  Kathryn giggles and runs her hand up and down my yoked-ass chest.  “You say the funniest things whenever you climax.”

“I used to say, ‘Fast on your jollies!’ but it lost its shine.”  I grin over at her.  “Nonsense speak is a fine art, you know?”

She lights a cigarette, takes a drag, and shakes her head in wry amusement.  “Only you, Kent.  Only you.”

And with that compliment, backhanded though it may be, I drift off into a pleasant doze.

SEVERAL HOURS LATER…

Huh?  Whaffamuzzit?

I blink sleepily, rubbing my hand across my eyes.  Kathryn’s sitting up in bed, back rigidly straight, staring at the wall.  “What time is it?  Uh…is something wrong?”

Her shoulders shake.  Lightly at first, but then with increasing speed.  What the—

She’s giggling.

“Heh heh heh.  HEH heh heh!  Oh ho ho—MUAHAHAHA!!!”  She clutches the air and laughs maniacally.

Then she turns around and peels her face off like a Mission Impossible superspy, revealing a short blond bob and an evil, self-assured smile.

“I’d like to speak to the manager.”

Oh shit—she’s not Kathryn!  She’s a GODDAMNED KAREN!

I scoot backward on the bed, shaking my head in abject terror.  “No—NO!  STAY AWAY FROM ME!”

She crawls forward, chanting, “Manager.  Manager.  MANAGER!”  With each utterance of that hated word, my dick flinches and shrivels, until it disappears from sight and actually reverses itself:  a circular, hairy crater marks its absence.

Fuck it.  No options left.  I open my eReader to Kor’Thank, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

The wall breaks inward in a scattershot crumble.  A stunningly hot lady grabs the Karen by the back of the head, shoots both hands in opposite directions, and—

KR-KR-KRACK!

—breaks her fucking neck.

“Come on, Kent.”  Soccer Mom Prime puts her hands on her hips and gives me a smile.  “You know better than to make love to a sub-par Soccer Mom.  They might be Karens in disguise, you big goof.”

My dick unclenches and emerges from its hole.  “Thank you, Soccer Mom Prime!” I blubber.  “God bless your super-hot ass!”

Kent Wayne wins again!  Ha HA!

😀

Have you been seduced by a Karen in disguise?  Never fear!  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

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