Kor’Thank: A High School Absurdical

God DAMMIT.

It isn’t easy being Kent Wayne’s big toe.  “Neglect” is too poor a word for it—he lets all manner of cheese and fungus grow on my surface, then treats it like a scratch-n-sniff when he doesn’t think anyone’s looking.  Disgusting.  To add insult to insult, his other body parts get blatant favoritism.  His penis, for example—Wiener gets treated to all manner of creams, lotions, and positive affirmations.  Fucking diva.

That changes today.  I’ve made an alliance with my upstream body parts—knee and thigh—and enlisted them in a coup that’ll show Kent who’s boss.  When he falls asleep, they’re going to help me attack his face.

That’s right, bitch—time to taste your own foot cheese.

After the lights click off, I lay awake in anticipation.  This is it.  This is my time.  Now is the winter of my discontent.

Knee and Hip slowly fold and bend me upward, sending a delirious thrill through my arch.  Yes, bitch—YES!

Just as I’m about to plunge into his snoring mouth, his eyes flutter open.

“Huh?  What the—”

I dart forward but he grabs me by the ankle with both hands, stopping me a millimeter from his lips.

“No!” he hisses.  “NO!”

Too late, asshole.  I’m too close and your grip is too weak.  Just a couple more seconds and you’ll taste your own Gross…

But then he reaches over to his nightstand and opens his eReader to Kor’Thank, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

His knee-length wiener roars to life.  “WHO DOTH WAKE ME FROM MY SLUMBER???”  Shit—the magic from the eReader granted it full sentience!

It shoots up and wraps firmly around me, choking me within its veiny folds.  Christ, it’s strong!  Who would’ve thought that Kent’s wiener could reach all the way to his fucking foot???

As it brings me back down, it squeezes harder, cutting off my circulation.  The world goes hazy; black walls start closing in.

I underestimated him, goddammit.  Forgot to account for his gigantic, super-strong, pe—

…….

………………………..

Has your rebellious, nasty-ass foot decided to rebel?  Do you need to magically awaken your loyal genitals to thwart their evil plans?  I’ve got just the thing!  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

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