Man, it’s tough being young. Like many college freshman, I’m broke, timid, and horny.
As I sit through class after class, jotting down notes about a bunch of long-winded dead dudes, I can’t help but wonder why everyone else seems so damn interested in anything besides cumming. Please deliver me from Keynesian Economics and New World settlers…my dickhead strains against my waistband, protesting its lack of use.
Atmospheric layers. Oxford commas. Parametric equations. Christ, I can feel my balls shrinking, tightening up into a wrinkled hive of angry little knots…
Fuck it. No options left. So I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
Everything freezes. Soccer Mom Prime (an angelic version of all that is good about hot soccer moms and the antithesis of a Karen) appears in a drift of sparkles.
“Silly Kent.” She smiles down at me, slowly levitating downward. “You don’t need a miracle to help you get laid. Just a gray pair of sweatpants.”
“Wh—what?” I stammer. “Sweatpants?”
She cups my chin, leans down, and gives me a soft kiss on the lips. “Knock ’em dead.”
And then she’s gone.
Gray sweatpants? What was she talking abou—
A hot lady-student points at my crotch, eyes bugging like goddamn dinner plates. “HOLY SHIT! LOOK AT KENT’S WIENER—IT’S FUCKING GIGANTIC! AND WE CAN SEE MOST OF IT, THANKS TO THOSE GRAY SWEATPANTS THAT MAGICALLY APPEARED ON HIM!”
I’m swarmed by a mob of horned up hotties. Tears leak from my eyes as they hoist me up and grope my junk.
Thank you, gray sweatpants! Thank you!!!
Kent Wayne wins again! Ha HA!
Are you drowning in books and lectures when you’re in the prime of your life and you oughta be FUCKING? Never fear! Get Kor’Thank here: Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀
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