Everyone says there’s a male g-spot, but I call bullshit. I’ve spent the last twenty minutes rooting through my butthole and nothing’s happening. Was this just a ploy to make me finger myself? Damn you internet!
Sigh. Guess it’s a lost cause. I’m about to pull out when the ground starts shaking. Oh shit—a random earthquake! Just stay calm and—
My spasming finger presses my butthole chakra, activating the full potential of my auric body. Uh-oh—my consciousness just separated from my physical form. Here we go—I’m about to shoot into the astral reaches!
Huh? Where am I? Seems I’ve been launched into a cloudscape littered with lackluster concepts…
“Welcome to the Adultinate,” a voice says from behind me. “Where the evils of adulthood come together and form a boring-ass realm.”
I turn around. A bespectacled, dad-bodded, balding nerd walks toward me.
“Who are you?” I ask, casting a nervous glance to my left and right.
A sinister laugh. “You should know, Kent. Don’t you recognize me?”
“Stop playing games. I need to get back to my Soccer Mom lovers—without my thick, upcurved wiener, they won’t be able to have their daily orgasm. They’ll go batshit crazy and panic-buy every grain of quinoa on the western seaboa—”
“Those are silly pursuits, Kent Wayne—I should know, I was once like you.”
My dread turns to stone cold terror. “Who ARE you?”
“You know who I am.”
“No.” Unwanted knowledge surges through me. “NO!!!”
It’s me! the Fully Adult (Respectable Edition) version of me!
I drop to my knees as gallons of vomit fly from my mouth: “BLUUUUHHHH!” My butthole lurches and quivers violently. Then it too, lets loose with a stream of filth.
“Ughhh…” I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand.
“Time to end this.” He unzips his pants. I behold the horror of my inevitable future—a baby-dick micro-peen.
“No…NO…OH-GOD-SO-UGLY-BLAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHRRR!!!!” More vomit blasts from my mouth.
“Yes.” He gives me a sick, twisted grin. “Take a good, long look, Kent—this is what you become.”
Fuck it. No options left. I open my eReader to Kor’Thank, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
Sacred energy builds in my balls, activating my coke-can-thick wiener and making it grow twenty feet long in less than an instant—
—spearing my evil doppelganger right through the eye. Momentary shock streaks across his face before he drops to his knees…then onto his side.
“That’s right, bitch.” I coil my giant doing around my thigh and tuck it into my sock. “I’m a professional Man Whore—I can’t waste time with no fun-size gerbil-dick or a respectable lifestyle! Get the fuck outta here!”
Kent Wayne wins again! Ha HA!
Have you played with your butt chakra a little too long, and now you have to kill an evil, Respectable version of yourself? I’ve got just the thing! Get Kor’Thank here: Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀
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