Kor’Thank: A High School Absurdical

I’ve knocked out my word count, lifted weights, and gone for a bike ride.  Now I’m walking my 10 lb. Terrier and best friend:  Bitefighter.  As I round the corner, I bump into an ultra-hot single mom.  We get to chatting, and in the course of our conversation, I reveal that I’m the prolific sci-fi author Kent Wayne.

“No kidding!” she gushes.  “I loved Echo and Kor’Thank was hilarious!  It’s just that…”

Uh-oh.

“It’s just that…”  her face twists.  “Could you not swear so much when you write?”

“Uh…not really.  For both those stories, it was entirely appropriate.”

“Do you have a manager or something?  I’d like to speak with them.”

Wait a second.  Manager?

No.

NO.

SHE’S A KAREN!!!

Understanding flashes through my expression.  It doesn’t escape her.  Her face says it all:  brief surprise, followed by sinister malice.  We lock eyes for a timeless instant…then I turn and run.

She follows close on my heels, screaming, “MANAGER!  MANAGER!  MANAGER!”  Jesus she’s fast—not like the regular Karens who’re weighed down by years of baked goods, consumed while watching televised megachurch or the latest episode of Fox and Friends.  This one can MOVE!

Lungs burning, legs jellying…fuck it, no options left.  I open my eReader to Kor’Thank, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

A causality-distortion bubble flies down from the heavens, enveloping the Karen in a spherical blur of existential energies.  She freezes in place, levitated off the ground by an electrostatic storm of quantum potential.

“RUAAAAAHHHH!!!”  She throws her arms back and screams like Highlander.  Possibilities morph across her with quicksilver speed:  one instant she’s an emo poet, the next she’s a successful business owner, the next she’s a hippie-slacker…

KER-BOOM!

I go flying back a dozen feet, tumbling across the ground like I was thrown from a car.  When I come to a stop, I lurch to a sitting position, shielding my face with my right hand while balancing on the ground with my left.

“What the…”

Instead of a Karen, now I’m looking at an uber-hot Soccer Mom.

“Come here, you big-wienered Man Whore.”  She throws me a wicked grin.  “Take those pants off and let’s get to boffing.”

Hot damn!  Don’t have to tell me twice—Kent Wayne wins again!  Ha HA!

😀

Need to transform a Karen or Ken into something infinitely more appealing?  I’ve got just the thing!  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

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