Kor’Thank: A High School Absurdical

Novelty.

The masses adore it.  Artists crave it.  How can we channel transcendence and resonance into new forms and dazzling patterns?  An eternal question, one that authors struggle with on a daily basis.  The drama of humanity, captured in everything from violence and beauty and primal instincts…

Fuck this—I’m getting nowhere.  I down five handfuls of magic mushrooms.

Holy Shizol—

—YibbaYobMcERMAH-GAWD-THE-BREAKING-OF-WORLDS—

……

…………………..

 

“Kent.”

Huh?

“Kent!”

I crack my eyes open.  Still in my bedroom, still at my desk, but…

“KENT!”

Holy fuckgobble!  A transparent blue genie is floating right above my computer!

“Um…yes?”

“Three wishes.  Make it quick.”

“Um…what?”

“Come on, come on.”  He cycles a hand.  “You know how this goes.”

“Uh, okay.  Bigger dick—”

“Done.  But your dick was already a big ol’ thicky—now you’re gonna have to go super slow and use an entire bottle of lube every time you fuck.”

“No!  Smaller dick!  Smaller—”

Hold on–wait a second!  I catch myself and scream, “Original size!!”

He snaps his fingers.  “Done.  Same old dick.  You have one wish left.”

Dammit!  Stupid stupid STUPID!  Had three wishes, but I wasted two.  Why couldn’t I have wished for—

“Times a’wasting.”  He claps twice.  “Chop chop, motherfucker.”

“Uh…okay.”  I take a deep breath and think it over.  Man, I could end the pandemic, abolish corruption, do away with economic injustice, I could—

But my traitorous mouth blurts, “Bigger dick!”

“You got it.”  He snaps his fingers.  Before I can beg him to take it back, he spins in places and fades into nothingness.

No!  NO!

I feel between my legs.  My hand settles on a giant bulge, roughly the size of a summer sausage.  Who the fuck is gonna want this inside them???

Fuck it.  No options left.  So I open my eReader to Kor’Thank, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

Soccer Mom Prime crashes through my window, rolling across the floor before she gets up and dusts herself off.

“You asked for a bigger dick, didn’t you?  Tsk tsk.”  She shakes her head.  “Kent—you’re already endowed with an award-winning thicky.”

“I know!” I sob.  “I KNOW!  Now it looks like a Graboid from Tremors!”

“Luckily for you, I’ve got one wish left.”  She snaps her fingers.  “There—back to normal.”

I sniff up a line of snot.  “Th-thank you, Soccer Mom Prime!”

“No worries.”  She smiles.  “Now let’s put that womb-widener to good use–c’mere and gimme some sugar.”

Gladly!  Kent Wayne wins again!  Ha HA!

😀

 

Have you lost your wish discipline and conjured a giant wiener that’ll scare everyone off instead of enticing them to put it inside a moistened orifice?  Never fear!  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

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