Ugh! Here they come, trying to steal my bone!
Stoopid cats are always chasing after Labrador Kent, trynna steal my treats or persecuting me for eating their tasty-ass poop! Goddamn fascists is what they are!
I hurdle a fence, dodge a feline, then barrel through a dozen of em, earning a scatter of yowls and hisses. Ha HA! Look at that hatred—never has so much Fuck You been concentrated into so few animals!
I race into the street, smiling like a lunatic with the bone in my mouth. This is what I live for—eating nommies and pissing off cats! Squirt around a couple of strollers—whoop!—and dodge the kids as they laugh and grab at the bone in my mouth. Can’t catch me, I’ve got a case of the zig-zag zoomies!
This is the life—rushing wind, breezy smiles, and pissed-off cats! Ooh, this bone is gonna taste so frickin’ good after I ditch these—
Suddenly, a sixty-pound shadow steps out into the middle of the road. Its tail swishes from side to side.
Oh SHIT! It’s Lothar—the biggest cat in the goddamn neighborhood! (You all know exactly what I’m talking about—there’s always that one ginormous feline that could wrestle with a mastiff due to its sheer size and unrequited rage)
Lothar emits a terrible roar, blurring the air with sonic force. It whips my fur into a fluttery mess and sends me tumbling back toward my pursuers. They run at me from my rear while Lothar charges me from my front. The street shakes from his massive paws; he’s like an angrier version of the T-rex from Jurassic Park.
Unless I do something, I’m about to die by Wrath of Kitteh. So I open my eReader to Kor’Thank, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
A flood of scrapp-as-fuck, mustachioed Terriers pour from an interdimensional rip in the air. The cats try to fight, but they’re no freakin’ match for an assload of feisty little furries. Lothar rears up and yowls in fury, a dozen Terriers hanging off him with their tenacious little jaws.
Pretty soon, the cats beat a hasty retreat. That’s right—there’s no way in Hades yer gonna best Labrador Kent and his feist-hole friends! Kent Wayne wins again! Ha HA!
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