I roll out of bed and spot a mushed, half-eaten protein bar in the depression left by my body. Score! I snatch it up and maow it down. NommerGobbyMcYommerGobbles!
All in the life of Kent Wayne: Professional Man Whore and Sci Fi author.
Hmmm…what to do, what to do…can’t think of anything…
Might as well jerk it.
FIVE GALLONS OF SEMEN LATER…
Urgghh…so woozy…nothing left but dust and cobwebs…oh snap, forgot to turn my phone on! Here we go—hold down the side buttons, enter the passkey, and—
Whoa whoa WHOA! 126 texts??? Oh shit, they’re all from horny alpha moms who want a piece of my diamond-hard upcurve! 129…138…157…189…Jesus Christ! Gotta hide somewhere until my balls can recharge…
IN THE NEXT 18 HOURS, HORNY ALPHA-MOMS GO BALLISTIC AND TURN THE WORLD INTO A DYSTOPIAN POLICE-STATE, ALL IN AN ATTEMPT TO FIND KENT WAYNE THE MAN WHORE.
God DAMMIT! This is INSANE!
I run through the woods, my breath leaving foggy plumes in the crisp night air as I try and avoid the drone-mounted searchlights that cut through the trees in harsh, glaring slashes.
An amplified voice thunders, “KENT WAYNE! SURRENDER IMMEDIATELY! YOUR DICK IS A MATTER OF NATIONAL IMPORTANCE!”
“IT’S NOT READY YET!” I shout. “I GOT SUPER BORED AND WENT ON A MARATHON JERK-SESH!”
Uh-oh. My voice must have revealed where I am, because a bunch of spotlights swing toward me, locking me in a circle of eye-searing brilliance. Fuck!
Electrified tasers shoot down from the sky, sparking off nearby trees with a nerve-jangling FSHH! I hunch lower and run faster, flinching each time a taser hisses by.
Fuck it. No options left. I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
My withered ballsack glows with rich orange light, intensifying into a blinding luminescence that sweeps through the forest like a high-powered flare.
I throw my arms back and levitate off the ground. My eyes glow white and my hair stands on end. My gonads fill out to their proper, pendulous volume.
Then I drop to the ground in an anime-style crouch, smoke wisping off my energized body.
“KENT WAYNE!” a drone blares, “ALPHA-MOMS NEED SATISFYING OR OUR WORLD WILL BURN! ACCOMPANY THESE DRONES BACK TO BASE!”
I rise slowly, my lips widening in a smug smile. “Gladly, fuckers. I need saline IVs and a shitload of Gatorade.”
I’ll leave the rest up to your imagination, but needless to say, Kent Wayne wins again! Ha HA!
Have you used up your jizz and found yourself in the middle of a national security crisis? Never fear! Get Kor’Thank here: Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀
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