“You’re MY Man Whore, Kent!” Taylor Swift hops atop my peen and grabs me by the throat. “MINE!”
“HHHKKK…” I try to pry her fingers from around my windpipe, but it ain’t happening—she’s too damn strong from decades of guitar practice. “Please…I have a diamond-hard wiener. You’re gonna…BREAK IT…”
“Too bad!” she chortles, flipping her hips faster. “That’s not all I’m gonna do, he-bitch!” Without slowing down, she reaches over to the end-table and snatches up a small velvet box.
Oh no—if that’s what I think it is…
“MINE!” she snarls, opening the box and withdrawing a diamond-tipped ring. She grabs my ring finger, gripping it in her fist like a goddamn joystick. Her other hand, the one with the ring, slowly moves toward my trapped digit.
“No…” my face trembles like Luke Skywalker’s as he’s hit by the Holy-Fucking-Shit, Mother-of-all-Fuck Darth-father revelation. “NO!!!”
“Don’t fight it.” She gives me a twisted, triumphant smile. “It’s your DESTINY!”
Fuck it. No options left. So I reach over to the end-table and flip my eReader open to Kor’Thank, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
My penis twitches. Her eyes widen in horror and shock.
“No! Not the—”
Yes. The Death Cum.
“HHHHHGGGGHHH!!!” Asparagus-tainted jizz erupts from the tip, propelling her up into my bedroom ceiling. She spits and hacks, trying to speak but unable to express anything besides unintelligible screams and a gut-churning GLUK-GLUK-GLUK.
After I spend about a year’s worth of sperm, she drops back down onto the bed.
“Murrrgh…” her half-lidded eyes stare at nothing in particular.
Welp, time for me to get going. Can’t let her lasso me into a prison made of Hallmark fantasies, snot-filled kids, and forced, yuppified laughs.
Kent Wayne escapes again! Ha HA!
Has your lover lured you into dick-breaking coitus, only to ambush you with a suffering-laden piece of falsely valued, commercialized bunk? (I’ve done the research; even if it’s conflict-free, it’s probably ruined countless lives in the brutal refinement process over in Surat. I say go for a bag o’ shrooms, a puppy, or a house if you can afford it!) Never fear! Get Kor’Thank here: Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀
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