Kor’Thank: A High School Absurdical

“You’re MY Man Whore, Kent!”  Taylor Swift hops atop my peen and grabs me by the throat.  “MINE!”

“HHHKKK…” I try to pry her fingers from around my windpipe, but it ain’t happening—she’s too damn strong from decades of guitar practice.  “Please…I have a diamond-hard wiener.  You’re gonna…BREAK IT…”

“Too bad!” she chortles, flipping her hips faster.  “That’s not all I’m gonna do, he-bitch!”  Without slowing down, she reaches over to the end-table and snatches up a small velvet box.

Oh no—if that’s what I think it is…

“MINE!” she snarls, opening the box and withdrawing a diamond-tipped ring.  She grabs my ring finger, gripping it in her fist like a goddamn joystick.  Her other hand, the one with the ring, slowly moves toward my trapped digit.

“No…” my face trembles like Luke Skywalker’s as he’s hit by the Holy-Fucking-Shit, Mother-of-all-Fuck Darth-father revelation.  “NO!!!”

“Don’t fight it.”  She gives me a twisted, triumphant smile.  “It’s your DESTINY!”

Fuck it.  No options left.  So I reach over to the end-table and flip my eReader open to Kor’Thank, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

My penis twitches.  Her eyes widen in horror and shock.

“No!  Not the—”

Yes.  The Death Cum.

“HHHHHGGGGHHH!!!”  Asparagus-tainted jizz erupts from the tip, propelling her up into my bedroom ceiling.  She spits and hacks, trying to speak but unable to express anything besides unintelligible screams and a gut-churning GLUK-GLUK-GLUK.

After I spend about a year’s worth of sperm, she drops back down onto the bed.

“Murrrgh…” her half-lidded eyes stare at nothing in particular.

Welp, time for me to get going.  Can’t let her lasso me into a prison made of Hallmark fantasies, snot-filled kids, and forced, yuppified laughs.

Kent Wayne escapes again!  Ha HA!

😀

 

Has your lover lured you into dick-breaking coitus, only to ambush you with a suffering-laden piece of falsely valued, commercialized bunk?  (I’ve done the research; even if it’s conflict-free, it’s probably ruined countless lives in the brutal refinement process over in Surat.  I say go for a bag o’ shrooms, a puppy, or a house if you can afford it!)  Never fear!  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

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