Kor’Thank: A High School Absurdical

“Go on.”  Martha Stewart—High Empress of Khyrakta, which used to be known as Earth—settles back into her infant-hide chair and steeples her fingers.  “Dance for me, Man Whore.”

“Martha please!” I gasp, twerking my speedo-clad booty for all it’s worth.  “Can’t go on…much longer…”

“Dance for me,” she repeats.  “Or I violate your anus with my jail-hardened fists.” (remember:  she’s a convicted felon who’s served time in a federal penitentiary).  She punches the air with deadly speed.  My hair flutters from the force of her strikes.

“No…please…”  I force a few more twerks.  “Must…protect…my rosebud…”

She rises from her throne and walks toward me.  “Time’s up.  You’ve failed to arouse me.  Prepare to be widened, Man Whore.”

“No!” I squeal.  “No widening!”

The walls burst inward, showering us with fragments of stone-turned-powder.  Padma, Giada, and Nigella Lawson roll across the floor, stopping before Martha in anime-style crouches.

“WHAT TREACHERY IS THIS???” Martha roars.  “LOW-DOWN TURNCOATS!”

“Kent the Man Whore is a gift to us all.”  Giada fixes Martha with a steely glare.  “Learn to share, you insider-trading, dry-chicken bitch.”

“MY CHICKEN ISN’T DRY!” she screams.  “OOH, YOU’RE GONNA GET IT, GIADA!  CAN’T WAIT TO CUT OFF YOUR HEAD AND FLAMBE YOUR PRETTY LITTLE FACE!”

Padma locks eyes with me as Nigella and Giada engage with Martha.  “Use your magic eReader, you big-penised doofus!  She’s too damn strong for us!”  Then she leaps into the fray, flipping and twisting as she launches kicks and punches with Matrix-like grace.  Martha holds her own against the trio of alpha-milfs, blocking and countering with frightening skill.

Gotta save the hotties.  So I open my eReader to Kor’Thank, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

The ties around my penis (leading down from my thigh to my ankle) bulge and snap, freeing its rippling length from my muscled leg.  A twist of my hips and—

—thwipthwipTHWIP—

—I send it rocketing out the high-rise window.  The head zooms past a church tower and curves back around, wrapping around the building like a veiny grappling hook.

“COME ON!” I shout, relishing the opportunity to use a cheesy line from eighties adventure movies:  “LET’S GET THE HELL OUT OF DODGE!!!”

Padma, Nigella, and Giada run over to me and grab hold of my torso with their toned legs, squeezing my butt and my breastises while licking my ears and neck like horny teenagers.  I run out the window and—

WHOOO!

—hum the triumphant sounding Willow theme (am I showing my age here?  Fuck!) as we swing through the air on my enormous wiener.

Kent Wayne escapes again!  Ha HA!

😀

 

Has a Food Network Felon made you bow to their tyrannical will?  Never fear!  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

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