I am feeling…
Sneaky McSneakerson Sneaky! HEH heh heh!
I sneak through my apartment, tiptoeing and slinking through hallways and rooms (well, hallway and room is a better way to put it—I can’t really work with too much more, unless it’s a garage so I can build me a gym) peeking around corners and giggling shiftily.
Sneaky sneaky sneaky! Sooooooo SNEAKY!
Love me some sneaking! I twiddle my fingers and glance slyly to either side. I can only do this in the comfort of my home; if I tried it in public, I’d be slapped with a restraining order. Instead of begging me to whip out my womb-hammer, Soccer Moms would slap me silly and mace my face-holes.
So I do it in the comfort of my own home. Sneak to the fridge. HEH heh heh! Sneak to the bedroom. HEE hee hee! Sneak out a shit! Nyah ha ha! (Ker-SPLOOSH!)
Suddenly, kitted-up figures crash through the windows and my front door blows inward. In less than a second, I’m surrounded by men with guns and body armor.
Oh no! Agents from the worst government agency in the long-ass history of governments and agencies: The Bureau of Adulting!
“FREEZE MOTHERFUCKER! CEASE YOUR SNEAKING AND SHOW US YOUR HANDS!”
“Happy to comply!” I punch my arms out, giving them all the double middle-finger.
“HARDEE-HAR HAR, ASSHOLE—WE’LL SEE HOW FUNNY YOU ARE IN AN ADULTING INTERNMENT CAMP! YOU’LL BE WORKING ON SPREADSHEETS 9 HOURS A DAY, STRAPPED INTO A STRAITJACKET WE LIKE TO CALL ‘BUSINESS CASUAL!”
Panic flashes through me. I can’t work in an office—I’d sooner drink a cup of stagnant piss!
So I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
Chuck Norris busts through the wall, showering us all in powder and fragments. He whips off his jeans, forces an agent down to his knees, then skullfucks his face with a massive boner.
“Holy SHIT!” One of the agents shouts. A couple others clutch their stomachs and barf in horror.
“Come on, Kent!” Chuck grimaces in (pain? Pleasure? Can’t really tell) as he thrusts his penis into the agent’s eye socket. “I know you’re packing some heat between yer legs—whip it out and get to skullfucking!” He jizzes into the man’s cranium and roundhouse kicks a dude in his slack-jawed face, exploding the guy’s brain into a bloody mess. The agents open fire but he shields his body with a Roundhouse Storm, kicking their bullets right back at them.
“Uh…I think I’m just gonna…” I gesture at the door as he rips a dude’s nuts off and scarfs em down. “I think I’m gonna GO…”
“Cool beans! More fer me! Hey—you wanna get together later and do some naked bicep curls while we stare intently into a mirror and not at each other’s penises?”
“Um…sorry, man. I’m kinda busy later. Got a date with a Soccer Mom.”
“Suit yerself, ya communist pussy!”
I run through the door before he can hit me with another crazy-ass suggestion. Sure he’s weird, but at least I got away from the Bureau of Adulting! Kent Wayne escapes again! Ha HA!
Are Serious Folks insisting you grow the hell up and become a Responsible Adult? Never fear! Get Kor’Thank here: Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀
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