Quarantine, day gajillion times a ferbillion + 3…
It’s Friday. How do I know that, when all sense of time slips and slides like an oooey-gooey turd? Because I spend every Friday in a contest of wills, engaged in an arm-wrestling match with my seething penis.
“You…won’t…win…” Its muscular head curls around my hand, reddening with effort and bulging with veins. “I…will…be…FREE…”
“Not a chance,” I hiss, adjusting my fingers and tightening my grip. “Last time you escaped, you knocked hundreds of g-spots several inches back beyond their natural resting place. Those poor women couldn’t cum through penetration for six months or longer…you’re only fit for alpha-as-fuck soccer moms who can handle your girth and diamond-hard upcurve.”
“Not…fair…Kent…NOT…FAIR…” Beads of sweat drip down his glans. “You…know…those alpha moms are few…and far…BETWEEN…”
“You’ve endangered the alignment of thousands of g-spots. I can’t have that.” My eyes steel over. “I WON’T.”
“Too bad! I took steroids this time—I’m strong as fuck! Ha HA!” Wiener slams my arm to the surface of the table, winning the match and guaranteeing his freedom through our man-to-wiener pact (whosoever wins the Friday night arm-wrestling match shall earn the freedom to dictate movement throughout the following week).
“FREEDOM!” He goes slithering for the door, dragging me across the hardwood floor. I’m too stunned to resist or fight—steroids??? This sneaky, cheating motherfucker!
Well two can play at that game. I open my eReader to Kor’Thank, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
A storm of interdimensional lightning blasts through the door, sending us tumbling back into the wall. It resolves into the most alpha of Alpha-moms: Soccer Mom Prime.
“By the balls and the shaft,” I whisper. Residual energy reflects off my pie-wide eyes.
“I second that,” Wiener murmurs.
“You need a special vajeen, Kent, and luckily enough, I’ve got one on me.” She starts peeling off clothes. “Chop chop, you he-slut fuck-pig—let’s get down to business!”
Who am I to argue with Soccer Mom Prime? Kent Wayne wins again! Ha HA!
*70s porn music*
Are you in a fight with your crazy-ass genitals, who are desperate to buck the confinement of quarantine? Never fear! Get Kor’Thank here: Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀
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