I have protected infant prophets from wolves and tyrants, observing silently as they grew to manhood and gave birth to religion and mysticism. I have watched empires rise and fall. I fought at Stonehenge, Jericho, Antietam and Tet. If not for me, Dracul and his vampires would have consumed the world. If not for me, the Atlanteans would not have been able to escape their folly. I saw the first fish crawl onto the shore. I saw their spawn use fins as legs, and eventually morph into life as we know it.
And now, after millions of years and lifetimes of adventure, I’m stuck in my apartment without any internet. God DAMMIT!
I can handle quarantine, I can handle a mask, I can handle damn near anything…provided I have access to myfriendshotmom dot com. But they cut the goddamn motherfucking internet! Where here are the moms??? WHERE ARE THE MOMS?????
Chest tightening. Can’ think. Can’t…can’t…
I stumble blindly through my apartment, banging into walls and random objects. I can feel the sperm building inside me…soon, it’ll change me into a rabid half-human with a boner so hard it hurts to look at. I’ve fought so long to develop my cognitive faculties…can’t go back to being a knuckle-walking booger-eater…I can feel it HAPPENING….
OOK OOK AWK! APE-MAN KENT HAVE MASSIVE WIENER! MUST STICK IT INTO INANIMATE OBJECTS! OOK OOK AWK! THINK THIS KITCHEN HOLE MIGHT DO! VAGUELY REMEMBER NAME—IT CALLED “GAHR-BAJ DIS-POSE-HOLE!”
NO! Must..cling to…SANITY…can’t…mutilate…award-winning…GENITALS…
With a massive burst of effort and focus, I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
And lo! My apartment fills with gorgeous soccer moms from the prime jewel of soccer mom beauty (Food Network), razzle-dazzling my balls and wiener with the likes of Padma, Giada, and Rachael!
But I can’t hang onto my temporary sanity. Slipping…back into…ape-man Kent…
OOK OOK AWK!
“That’s all right.” Padma smiles. “We Soccer Moms are always on the hunt for a good old fashioned power-fuck with a stupid-thick cock. Come here, Kent!”
KENT WAYNE WIN AGAIN! OOK OOK AWK!
Get Kor’Thank here: Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀
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