Kor’Thank: A High School Absurdical

Now that the CIA has made it known that astral projection is real and the universe we live in is an energy hologram (https://www.cia.gov/library/readingroom/docs/CIA-RDP96-00788R001700210016-5.pdf), it’s time to get to fucking work.  I sit down in my chair, bite down on my mouthpiece (it makes me look extra cool, like Neo before he jacks into a cyberpunk wonderland), and utter my neuromemetic key:

“Six inches long (that’s measured PROPERLY from the top for all you fucking cheaters out there), five and a half inches in circumference, diamond hard, with a distinct upcurve.”

(I’m talking about bananas silly—you’s NASTY!  😁)

Oh daaaaaAAANNNG!!!

I go rocketing out of my matter-tethered body, flying through existence at the speed of intention.  Time and space appear in their true form:  as a toric loop bound into a two-way flow.  The illusion of solid matter disappears, allowing me to perceive everything as consolidated grids of vibrating energy, connected by the Absolute known as Love, Laughter and Dreams.

I’m about to trip a set of psychogenic circuit-breakers (they’ll wind down the virus and allow us to get back to our regular lives), when suddenly—

“OOH HOO HA HA!  MWAHAHA!  TOO LITTLE TOO LATE, KENT—I’VE ALREADY INFECTED THE MULTIVERSAL SUB-MIND!”

Oh no!  It’s Grammar Nazi Prime—He of the Checklists and Red Pen Corrections!  He’s blocking my access to an astral reset!

“FUCK OFF!” I scream.  “THINGS ARE GETTING WORSE BY THE GODDAMN DAY!  KANYE’S RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT, FOR FUCK’S SAKE!!!”

“A small price to pay to thwart your designs, Kent!  I’ve had enough of your sci fi rubbish!  And now you have the temerity to write YA fantasy?  Children need outdated literature, dammit!  Your dashing tales of robots and swordplay have no place in the annals of writing!”

I can feel his prudishness pulsing and throbbing, filling the aether with Small Dick Energy.

Fuck it.  No options left.  I open my eReader to Kor’Thank, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

Big Dick Energy erupts from my thought-form, counteracting Grammar Nazi Prime’s withered excuse for a microscopic phallus.  As he goes hurtling into the depths of Void, he curses me with all his nerdish might:

“Damn you, Kent Wayne!  DAAAAAMMMMNNNN YOOOOOUUUuuuuu…”

Ha HA!  Kent Wayne wins again!

😀

 

Are you trying to save the mothafuckin’ Universe, but uptight finger-waggers are blocking your way forward?  Never fear!  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

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