Kor,Thank: A High School Absurdical

Here I go, scrolling through my FB feed.  Ugh…what happened to all those jiu-jitsu instructionals and cute dog videos I used to watch?

Nowadays, all I see is bad news:  killer viruses, hate and unrest, Karens (those are actually funny—I didn’t find out what that meant until a couple months ago, which shows I’m well on my way to becoming an old fogey).

Is this what it’s come to?  A metaphorical buttfucking for the world at large?  Just when we think we’re turning a corner, the cock withdraws, only to be replaced by a dreadful, calloused fist.

Are we facing down the beginning of the end?

Sigh.  Whatever.  Scroll, scroll, scroll…the negativity builds and builds, turning the cracks in our society into giant gaping chasms.  Fuck it.  I need a break.

So I open my eReader to Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

A blast of lightning shoots down from above, arrowing into my third eye.  Holy-crap-everything’s-turning-yellow-like-I-shotgunned-DMT-while-cumming-in-Martha-Stewa—

YIBBERYOB MCGOO!

My thought-form goes flying out of my body, rocketing through the aether at the speed of intention.  Before I can exit physical reality, a telepathic voice calls me back:

[KENT WAYNE!  JUST WHERE IN THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU’RE GOING???] the Big Guy booms.

[Uh…uh…]  I halt in the bleed, looking nervously around as I inhale through my teeth with an UH-oh expression.  [It kinda sucks down there.  Imma head over to the Enchanted Booty Forest and get back to having fun.]

[IT’S JUST A LITTLE SHAKEUP, DAMMIT!  THINGS WILL GET BETTER IF YOU STICK AROUND!]

I shrug apologetically.  [I’m sure they will, but right now, the Enchanted Booty Forest is calling my name.]

There’s a long, pregnant silence.

Then:  [HMMM…BOOTY, YOU SAY?  WHAT IF I CREATED A BOOTYFUL BEING CALLED SOCCER MOM PRIME?  WOULD THAT ENTICE YOU TO STAY ON EARTH?]

Hot diggity!  Two of my favorite qualities rolled into one:  booty and soccer mom!

[You got yourself a deal, Big Guy!  Send me back!]

And that was how Kent Wayne, Sci Fi Author and perennial Man Child, went from being a depressed Facebook scroller to a cheap piece of whore that was used and reused by Soccer Mom Prime, until nary a sperm swum in his ballsack.

Kent Wayne wins again!  Ha HA!

😀

 

Have you totally fucking had it with all the bad news?  Never fear!  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

6 thoughts on “Kor,Thank: A High School Absurdical

  1. I hear ya, writing is a great outlet. I get tired of the corona crap and other negativity. I enjoy making people laugh via the Moroniverse however I find that readership has gone down since the pandemic hit. It seems like an oxymoron, of the MoronicArts kind.

    Liked by 1 person

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