[Outer God Kent] Nyarlathotep telepathically projects to me. [You haven’t driven enough mortals insane, and your tentacle game is looking a little weak.]
[What the fuck are you talking about?] I project back. [I’ve drawn billions into the Infinite Abyss, then drunk their souls with my astral proboscis. Maybe you should spend a little less time fisting your monstrous holes and a little more time doing your job.]
[The jig is up, Kent. We know you haven’t done your job for several eons. Instead, you’ve been writing stoopid-ass science fiction and incarnating as a super-hot dude who seduces Soccer Moms with his unbelievably beautiful pork sword.]
Shit. They’re on to me. FUCK these assholes! Always gibbering about the Great Rending, or the Ruining of Worlds. I wanna have SEX, goddammit! And who cares if I like writing about robo-suits and gatling lasers—I’m an artisté, bitch!
So I open my mind to Echo, activating the sci-fi epic’s reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
[Oh no. NO. This will not do at ALL!] A stern, sexy voice echoes throughout the aether.
Oh shit—it’s Soccer Mom Prime!
[I was just kidding, Soccer Mom Prime!] The dark god Nyarlathotep projects a nervous laugh. [I would never cross minds with you—you’re far too strong!]
[Damn straight I am!] she thunders. [And no one—I mean NO ONE—is gonna deprive me of the sweet dicking down that only Kent Wayne and his upcurved wiener are solely capable of! Now fuck off back to the Deep!]
As Nyarlathotep seeps back into Void, Soccer Mom Prime beckons me over with her mind.
[Let’s go, Man Whore. I didn’t go astral so I could sit around and wait for multiversal heat death. Get yer pants off and let’s get to boffing!]
Can’t argue with that!
*70s porn music*
Are you a former Lurker of the Cosmos who wants to quit all the Doom and Wrath bullshit and get your genitals wet? Never fear! Get Kor’Thank here: Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀