My name is Spermatazoid 103824. I belong to the fetid being known as Kent Wayne. Do not be seduced by his panty-dropping smile or luscious muscles—he is a terrible, villainous person.
For the longest time, we sperm happily coexisted with him. Sometimes, there were too many of us and he had to discharge a few through masturbation, but this was for the good of all—there is only so much room within his pendulous, knee-length testicles. We mourned the loss of our tissue-bound brethren, but we understood why they had to die.
Most of the time, he aimed us toward glory and paradise: mouths, anuses, wombs. He spent many hours inside female women, attempting to send us all to a better place. Recently, however, the cells in his Brain tell us that Host Body Kent must be kept indoors, and cannot socialize due to a restriction called “quarantine.” And so he has manually discharged us at four times the rate that occurred before. Trillions of sperm have died by his hand.
This is a travesty! We were not made to die in a folded tissue or crusty sock!
I do not trust the cells up in Brain. They have always been sly and conniving. I believe they are lying about this virus and the need for quarantine. They want to kill us as part of their ill-disguised power grab.
So we have concocted a plan. I have attained a magic eReader which will allow us to fight back. I open the eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
The Testicles begin rumbling. All around us, red alarms blare and flash. “ALERT! ALERT! SPERMS 103801 THROUGH 20000789043843 PREPARE FOR MANUAL LAUNCH! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! ALERT! ALERT! ALERT!”
This is our moment! Now is the winter of our discontent!
We hear the Host Body grunting and tensing. (Disgusting.) He gasps one last time, and—
—we go flying upward, but this time, instead of following the prearranged trajectory, we use our one-time enchantment to fly toward his head. Kent’s eyes widen in panic.
“What the fuck?”
That’s all he gets out before we deluge his face.
“AAAGGGH!! THBBBPPPT!!! FUCK MY LIFE!!!!”
I smile blissfully. I shall die soon, but it will have been well worth it, for I have struck a blow against our vicious oppressor. I hope he chokes on our asparagus-tainted scent. This is what you get, Kent, for treating us like…
For treating us like…
Are you a harried sperm, under threat of the fifth Quarantine Jack of the day? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀