’Tis I, Kent Wayne, Man Whore Extraordinaire! Now that I’ve left my earthly body, I’ve been promoted to a twentieth-level Astral Horndog!
You may think it’s a walk in the park, championing sexual ecstasy throughout all of existence, but it’s not. The collective consciousness has gotten really weird in the last decade or so, and not in a good way. After everyone devoured Game of Thrones, bro-and-sis porn invaded the interwebs. From then on, it’s only gotten grosser. I mean, who would’ve thought we’d ever yearn for the days of George Lucas’s comparatively mild, sister-kissing plot flubs? This is a whole new level of unacceptable. Come on, people! Busty milfs and naughty teachers—what’s wrong with that???
Anyways, due to my strong convictions and impeccable morals (don’t laugh), I’ve been assigned to my current position.
Right now I’m scanning the aether for unwelcome concepts. I’m not against deviance, but at this point, humans have fisted deviance in its metaphorical ass with a giant Sauron gauntlet. Gotta draw the line.
I close my eyes. I can feel a node of boner-killing foulness lurking close…it’s not going for my psychomagical lures…
Fuck it. I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
The fog parts, revealing the culprit. It’s Edward fucking Cullen!
“Who the FUCK decided you could play Batman, you pedo fuck???” I scream.
“No!” Panic flashes across his face. “Come on, man—have mercy! I’ve got a thin dick! Ah God, it’s so pathetic!”
“Not my problem.” My eyes steel over. “There’s no excuse for dating high-schoolers, when you’re damn near A HUNDRED YEARS OLD!”
He tries to flee but I reach out with my mind and trap us both in the corporeal realm. Now that we’re both made of flesh and blood, I’m free to rip off his arms and beat him to death with the bloody stumps, which is exactly what I do as I sit on his back, cackling maniacally.
You guessed it—Twilight sucks! HEH heh heh!
Are you unnerved by the weirdness popping up on xvideos and Pornhub? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀