Hey-how-ya-doin’. My name’s Lydanthiel, guardian angel of Kent Wayne. I’m pulling overtime, which is just another Tuesday for us GAs. Sorry if I sound a little rushed–I’m juggling Kent’s health, wealth, and goddamn Beta Males, trying to impede his free-dicked lifestyle!
Guardian Angeldom has come a long, long way since we flew around with dorky-ass swords and glowing halos. Right now I’m in a sweet-ass AMECH-X (short for Angelic Mecha, version 10), surrounded by the cool blue glow of aetheric holographics. I’m currently in Phase-Realm 3, which is half-in your physical world, half in the imaginal. My AMECH-X allows me a direct interface into both planes, channeling nonphysical energy into corporeal matter. It’s also fitted with a cutting-edge suite of astral defense mechanisms; they provide some protection against immaterial assailants.
Case in point—GRAMMAR NAZI SPIRITS ON MY GODDAMN SIX! MOTHER OF FUCK!!!
I reach up to a ceiling-mounted grip, pulling it down and twisting sideways. It locks in place with a meaty-sounding CHK-CHANK. Psychic chaff pours from my AMECH’s hip-vents, lighting the astral cloudscape with dual streams of unarticulated concepts. When I glance at my cams, they translate into a series of glimmering emojis.
My pursuers aren’t buying it. They stay right on my ass, chipping at my causal engines with their stereotypically dull-ass objections. On my Earth-side monitor, I see Kent Wayne suffering the side effects: legions of pissants pick at his writing, harping on him for incorrect use of pronouns or italics or whatever-the-fuck-stimulates-a-Grammar-Nazi’s-micropenis.
Fuck it. No options left. I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
An Independence Day-style beam of light cuts through the aether, funneling down from the astral realm into Kent Wayne’s pants. His wiener goes full-on Godzilla, pee-slit flapping like a windblown flag as it lets loose with a furious roar.
As Grammar Nazis burst into his physical home, he spears them through the chest with his unstoppable peen. It’s like watching a xxx Neo; he flips, dips, and skull-fucks his enemies with balletic grace. As I soar into the depths of an Elysium-bound portal, I catch a glimpse of him using his cock like a giant grappling hook—swinging off ledges, trees, and telephone poles to make his escape.
THAT’S what you get for being a nitpicky hater, you Grammar Nazi fucks! Ha HA!
Are unimaginative shit-eaters doing their absolute damndest to fuck your manuscript in its metaphorical ass? Are you fending off a deluge of complaints concerning the improper use of semicolons, or suffering through boring-ass diatribes about the Oxford comma? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀