Ahh…another beautiful morning in the world of Kent Wayne: sci fi author and perennial Man Whore.
I get up from my bed and my wiener unwinds rapidly—fwip fwip FWIP—before thunking against the ground. I stroll to my window and gaze out at the sunny landscape. What a wonderful time to be a man-whore…
“There!” someone shouts, pointing up at me. “He shames us through his well-endowed existence! Cut off his head and fuck the skull!”
Oh no! My eyes widen as the horizon fills with thousands of figures.
“I’ll tie it around my thigh!” I scream, rapidly winding it around my squat-thickened legs. “Tuck it into a sock so the head doesn’t show!”
“Not enough!” they shout. “The bulge will be way too obvious, even if you wear an ankle-length mumu! Prepare to get roasted over a coal-filled pit!”
Fuck it. No options left. I reach over to my nightstand and open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
The heavens rumble. A fifty-foot tall God of Old—Odin Allfather, He of One Eye and Taker of No Shit Whatsoever—rips through a pair of clouds and beats his hairy, eight-packed torso with a giant pair of gnarled-ass fists.
“WHO DARES THREATEN MY MAN WHORE HERALD?” He booms. “I SHALL BISECT YOU AT THE ANUS WITH A BLUNTED HATCHET!”
“No, please!” the Beta Males scream, dropping to their knees. “Spare our shrivel-cocked lives! We’ll accept whatever punishment you deem appropriate!”
“VERY WELL!” Odin roars. “PREPARE TO RECEIVE THE STINKIEST FACIAL OF ALL TIME! I’VE BEEN EATING ROTTEN SPAM AND ASPARAGUS FOR THE LAST TWO MONTHS, HOPING FOR JUST SUCH AN OCCASION! NOW YOU SUFFER MY FOUL-SMELLING SPERM! OH HO HO HO!”
The manliest deity of all time yanks off his tunic and lets loose with giant blasts of curdy Gross, deluging the Beta Males with his odious disfavor.
“YOU WANT IN ON THIS, KENT? CUM ON THEIR FACES WHILE THE CUMMING’S GOOD!”
“You fucking bet!” I unwind my wiener and start launching blasts of equally stinky ejaculate, coating the Beta Males in thick, webby cocoons. As they cry and sob, me and Odin clutch the air with upturned hands and cackle like batshit madmen.
“OH HO HO! AH HA HA! MWAHAHAHA!!! AHHHHH HA HA HAAAA!!!!!”
Have you been targeted by a mob of envious, brain-dead mouth-breathers? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀