One fateful day, when I was the tender age of five, I walked into an interdimensional portal. I rode dragons, drank with frost giants, and beat the fuck out of those kids from Narnia (damn posers tried to copy my fantasy-world adventures). The world I went to was called NippleSlips. I’d completely forgotten about it until now…
“Hey Kent, guess what?” My boss claps my shoulder. “Need you to work this weekend! Gotta put in some extra hours to feed a faceless corporation that pays us to wallow in commercial indulgences, all the while stripping us of our youth and vitality! Whaddaya say, huh?”
My dick shrivels into its sheath, until it’s little more than a tiny, stunted nub. Amazingly enough, I can hear it retracting; it sounds like crinkly saranwrap.
I try to protest. “But…I was gonna…my stapler…” (props if you know where that’s from).
“See you on Saturday, Kent.”
I’m not sure how it’s possible, but my cock-n-balls draw so far into my pelvis they create a concave depression. A single tear trails down my right cheek.
No options left. So I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
A blazing portal opens behind my boss. I charge forward, grab him by the waist like a cubicle-borne Batman, and—
—spear-tackle his ass, sending us spiraling into a nonsensical whirl of dimension-bending craziness. Fractals and colors assault our minds for a seeming eternity, then—
We find ourselves in the land of NippleSlips. Soccer Moms immediately surround us and grab our junk.
“OH yeah!” I bolt to my feet and rip off my tie. “Let’s get this party STARTED!”
My boss, however, breaks into sobs. I cast a curious glance at him.
“The fuck? Come on man—whip out that wiener and get busy!”
He looks up at me with tear-streaked eyes. “It doesn’t work anymore! Years of corporate drudgery…it can’t even compete with a gerbil’s pinkie claw! AH GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE!”
I hiss through my teeth—awkwaaaard…but then I shrug.
More soccer moms for me! BOOyah!
Are you slowly withering in a shitty little cubicle? Do you need to go on an interdimensional adventure before your genitals wither into shriveled little flaps? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀