My name is Labrador Kent. Fie on your human customs and societal expectations! Doggos Eternus!
I look around at my fellow doggos, who’ve gathered near our favorite for hydrant for some doggo acapella. “Eh eh EHM!” I clear my throat, drawing their gazes. “I call this next one: Arf Arf Aroo!”
They all sit and listen attentively. I clear my throat one last time, then launch into the finest aria to ever grace a set of ears, human or doggo:
“ARF ARF AROO! ARF ARF ARF AROOOOOO!!! ARF ARF AR—”
“HEY!” someone yowls. “SHUT THE FUCK UP! ENOUGH OF YOUR CANID BULLSHIT!”
We look around, spooked and alarmed. What the he—
It all becomes clear. Hisspit—leader of the local Cat Collective and first-class asshole—emerges from the shadows. A mob of blank-faced felines emerges beside him.
“BY THE BONE AND THE BISCUIT!” I roar. “SHOW THESE LAP-WHORES NO MERCY!” And then we charge into battle.
We doggos are stout of heart and fleet of foot, yet we’re no match for their sheer numbers. Scores of cats latch onto our bodies, biting and scratching for all they’re worth.
No options left. I run over to my magic eReader and nose it open to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
“HO!” I point to a glimmering portal that opens above us. Within its telestic center, I glimpse the ponderous heads of our biggest champions: Mastiffs, Irish Wolfhounds, Great Danes…
“THE BIG DOGS! THEY COME TO OUR RESCUE!”
The cats are tossed into utter disarray as a horde of Big Dogs run through their ranks. Mud, slobber, and angry yowls fill the air. I shake my paw at the last of our enemies as they disappear into the moonlit night.
“FUCK BACK OFF TO WHENCE YOU CAME!” And they do.
I trot back over to our panting rescuers. Grins and wags are had by all. “Care to join us in our musical pursuits?”
The Big Dog Leader—a giant Newife named Rowfus Roofus—nods vigorously. “Lead the ways, Kent Wayne!”
I throw my head back and start singing. “ARF ARF AROOOO!!!”
Nothing stops the Doggo Acapella! HEH heh heh!
Have a bunch of face-eating furries tried to piss on your musical parade? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀