Laser-eyed dinosaurs! Fifty-foot robo-suits! Tenser’s Dancing Sword, + 3 vs. the undead, +5 vs. all others! And holy mama jama, my favorite lusty mothers from MyFriendsHotmom dot co—
“KENT!” Ms. Horfendorff, my sixth-grade teacher, slams her hand down on my desk, waking me up from my 3rd period nap. “Kent Wayne! You do not—I repeat, you do not—fall asleep in my class! Do you hear me, young man???”
Stevie Winthrop and his posse of goons, all sitting behind her where she can’t see, cackle and grin. One draws his finger across his throat. You are dead, Wayne. DEAD.
No. NO! I can’t take anymore of this middle school BULLSHIT! So I reach in my pocket and open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
“ARRRHHH!!!” I throw my hands out to either side, levitating three feet into the air—Highlander-style—as lightning crashes down from above, enveloping my body in a halo of energy. My hair stands on end, my eyes glow completely white. Muscle erupts across my frame, and my wiener thickens into the pulsing, veiny monstrosity it will one day become.
Meet Kent Wayne. Thirty-something Man Whore and zany sci-fi author.
The energy fades, and I’m left standing in the middle of the classroom, staring down at my upturned palms. “What…what…” My mouth works in silent wonder.
Ms.Horfendorff shields her eyes and tries to flee. “NO! TOO MUCH SEXINESS!” She makes it five feet before she trips and falls. Her hand moves all on its own, flicking her bean as she sobs helplessly.
“I’m sorry!” I reach a hand out, but before I can help her up, Stevie Winthrop’s mom opens the door.
“Come on Stevie, it’s time for your doctor’s—” She stops and stares, drinking in the hulking Man Whore standing before her. Then her expression steels over. “C’mere, whore!” She grabs me by the wrist and leads me out the door.
Stevie cries, “But mom—what about me???”
She looks over her shoulder and calls, “Take an aspirin and for Christ’s sakes—wipe your ass after you shit and stop eating your goddamn boogers, you money-pit ankle biter!”
We pile into her SUV and start making out, hot and heavy. Even here, outside the school, I can hear Stevie bawling his lungs out.
And it’s music to my ears. HEH heh heh! Kent Wayne wins again!
Are you still caught in a middle school hell? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜