One beer, two beer, three beer, four beer…
Huh? What the fuck? Last thing I remember was chugging beers with a gang of rowdy soccer moms, screaming at me to whip it out and twirl it over my head like a fleshy lasso, but then I started drinking, and…
“Murrrgh…” I clutch my head and squint through my fingers, looking around slowly so as not to exacerbate my aching brain.
The harsh light of a naked bulb floods the room. My legs are bound to a chair, which is bolted to the floor in front of a plain, steely table. I’m in an interrogation room.
“SCUMBAG!” The door swings open and bangs against the wall. A pencil-necked Beta Male strides angrily into the room, slamming both hands against the table. “STEALING ALL THE WOMEN THROUGH THE USE OF YOUR ANKLE-LENGTH WOMB-HAMMER! HOW DARE YOU!!!”
“Hey pal, it’s not all sunshine and roses for me,” I snap. “Do you have any idea how much I have to hydrate to produce semen by the gallon on a daily basis? I spend a goddamn fortune on Gatorade!”
“Well you’ll be glad to know we’re gonna relieve you of your problem.” The Beta Male draws a wicked, back-curving knife from a thigh-strapped sheath. “Your obscenely large wiener will make an excellent prosthetic.”
“AAAHHH!!! NO! FUCK YOU!” No options left. So I reach in my pocket and open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
A fistful of protein powder materializes in my hand. I fling it into the Beta Male’s face, and he immediately bursts into flames, writhing and screaming like Harvey Dent in the Dark Knight. His knife lands within reach and I snatch it up, sawing quickly through my bindings.
Kent Wayne escapes again! Ha HA!
Have you been spirited away into a jealous Hater’s dungeon of Hate? Never fear!! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀
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