“These Bark-damned cats!” I stare vexedly down at the strategic array of squeakers, dog treats, and stick fragments my Doggy Elite have arrayed upon the forest floor. Each one symbolizes a concentration of cats or dogs.
My lieutenant terrier, a mustachioed mini-schnauzer named Old Man Face, nods solemnly. “They have outwitted us at every turn, High Labrador Kent. We have tried everything from eating their food to shitting in it, yet they somehow manage to catch us unawares and beat us back.”
“I know!” Rowfus Roofus, one of my best friends and the goofiest great dane I have ever had the privilege to know, sits down and begins thumping the ground with his substantive tail. “We’ll wait until they’re sleeping and pee in their faces!”
I shake my shaggy doggy noggin. “We tried that remember?”
Rowfus Roofus hangs his head. “Oh yeah,” he mutters.
Suddenly, we see four-legged shadows flitting across the forest floor. We burst up from our seats and begin running in circles, barking up a storm.
“Oh SHIT! CATS!!!”
“They’re in the trees! They’re fucking everywhere!”
“Game over, man! GAME OVER!”
Fuck it. No options left. So I paw open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
As the army of cats descend upon us, our balls grow back into our neutered scrotums. Yips of delight fly from our mouths.
“The power! The POWER!”
“Holy fucking Bark, I know everything! I AM everything!!!”
“ARF ARF AROOOOO!!!”
The evil felines are no match for our boundless energy. We charge through their midst and send them tumbling, panting and smiling like the big ol’ goofuses we are. Some of my meaner friends start humping our unfortunate enemies. It’s not long before the cats flee the clearing, snarling and hissing up a goddamn storm.
Kent Wayne wins again! Ha HA!
Are you a Good Dog who’s trying to eat some meaty treaties and have some fun, but those goddamn cats keep harshing your motherfucking mellow? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜