Echo: A Dystopian Science Fiction Novel

“Oh Martha…” I sigh and run my hand across the framed picture of Martha Stewart I keep on the pedestal of my completely uncreepy, candle-dotted shrine inside my walk-in closet.  “You’re so pretty, so tough…you refused to let those piece-of-crap SEC prosecutors have the last word, even when they threw you in prison…”

“KENT!”  My wife Irma Horfendorff’s knifelike voice slices through my reverie, causing me to flinch like a beaten dog.  “WHERE’S MY MONTHLY TRIBUTE, PAYABLE IN DIAMONDS OR HIGH-END FURNITURE?  YOU BETTER HAVE IT IN FULL THIS TIME, YOU BITCHSLUT FUCKSTINK YOU!”

“Coming, dear!”  I scurry out from the closet, trying to appease her with bright, false laughter.  “Calm down—you know how you get when you’re angry!  Please don’t fist me!”

“TOO LATE FOR THAT, KENTY!  GONNA USE A 20 OUNCE BOXING GLOVE, NO LUBE!  YOU’LL BE WEARING DIAPERS FOR MONTHS, AND YOU’LL HAVE TO CHANGE YOUR NAME TO GAPER MCGAPERSON!  MWAHAHAHAHA!”

No!  NO!  I halt in my tracks and wring my hands, agonizing over what to do.

Then my eyes steel over.  Fuck it.  Only one option left.  I reach into my pocket and open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

Martha Stewart crashes through the roof like a  Food Network version of the Son of Krypton.  She lands in a single-kneed crouch; a web of cracks sprouts on the floor, and a rain of busted drywall and broken ceiling spills down from above.

“Your ass is mine,” she rasps, rising to her feet.  Debris falls off her shadowed form.  “No one else’s.”

Irma Horfendorff bursts into the room, her lips drawn back in a ferocious snarl.  “Back off bitch!  Kent’s due for a Sauron-style pegging!  You’d best leave before I—”

Martha charges my demonic (now ex, thankfully) wife, her hands chopping the air with both hands like the T-1000.  Irma lets loose with a titanic roar, causing the air to blur and shake–I’m bucked off my feet, my nose and ears erupt with blood.

When I hit the ground, I turn onto my stomach and frantically belly-crawl toward the door.  I’ve countered Irma’s evil with Martha’s fury, but at what cost?

AT.  WHAT. COST????

*Theme from Requiem for a Dream*

 

 

Do you need to stop your ex with an unspeakably powerful Food Network icon?  Never fear!  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

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