“THAT’S KENT WAYNE—FAMOUS SCI FI AUTHOR AND GIANT-PENISED MAN WHORE!”
Shit! My nose-n-mustached glasses didn’t work; these grocery shoppers saw right through my disguise!
I kick over my cart, scattering a slew of goods across the floor in a longshot attempt at slowing them down. It doesn’t work; they trample my nommies (Lucky Charms, PB&J strawberry goober mix, and if you haven’t tried biscuits n’ gravy lays potato chips consider yourself criminally deprived of life and light) beneath their feet, surging toward me like a mob of fast zombies. A minute later, they’ve backed me into the frozen foods section. All manner of MILF are clawing at my crotch, trying to unleash the delicious penis-meat packed into my jeans.
“No!” I yell. “I’ve already used too much sperm making love to you! You’ll dry me into a desiccated husk!”
They’re not listening; they’ve gone full-on horndog. Only one option left: I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
Batman, Superman, and Ryan Gosling swoop in, distracting a crucial fraction of the lusty moms. The rest go for me.
SEVERAL DAYS LATER…
I crawl shakily across the grocery floor, clutching a half-empty bottle of Pedialyte, stopping every so often to take a sip, thanking my lucky stars I’m still alive.
You wouldn’t think it, but having an award-winning wiener can be a goddamn safety hazard. Still—Kent Wayne manages to survive again! Ha HA!
Have you been accosted at the local Save N Shop due to your unbelievably gorgeous genitalia? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜