Men have breaking points. Stick them in a cubicle and harangue the fuck out of them, take away all their opportunities to express their aggression, ring them in with a masterful cage of passive-aggressive bullshit, and repeat ad nauseum for forty fucking years…
Well, you get the idea.
Which is why I’m planning my escape from Cubicle Jail.
Cubicle Jail is where they send you if you’re a nonconformist thinker–someone who sees that life can be more than a dreary assembly line of perpetuate, perpetuate, perpetuate. You know how they give you a bright, cheery smile when they welcome you to your new job? You know how they say “Welcome aboard,” or some such bullshit? That’s not what they’re REALLY saying. They’re saying something more akin to, “Welcome to the Land of Fuck.” (I heard that from a New York cop on that badass documentary The Seven Five).
Welcome to the Land of Fuck. And not in a good way.
So now I stew in Cubicle Jail, where all speech is carefully monitored, where people become reduced to consumerist whores a minute at a time, where I’m overseen by a bunch of blandly dressed fuckholes, where my nuts gradually shrink from grapefruit-sized spheres into tiny, shriveled pits.
But this ain’t the fate for me. No fucking way.
So as my third month rolls around, I grasp the pen-crafted shank under my office chair, tightening my grip, getting ready to fight my way out of here.
And then I realize something: I’m packing a weapon far more powerful then my goddamn pen-shank: my eReader.
I open it to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
“WHO DARES WAKE ME FROM MY SLUMBER???” My wiener erupts from my pants and looks from side to side, opening its pee-hole in a furious roar. My gray-brained minders recoil in horror, clutching their pocket protectors and squealing in fear.
“FUCK OFF, NERDS!” Tyrannosaurus Penis (yes, we all name them) sweeps wildly around, knocking over stationary and blattering office drones with his giant glans. People scatter every which way, screaming from the unwanted touch of the most beautiful genitalia to ever grace the Earth.
Tyrannosaurus Penis crashes through the window, coiling tightly around a protruding tree limb. I go swinging off into the distance, attached to the end of my powerful womb-hammer like the rattle on the end of a venomous snake.
FUCK Cubicle Jail! Ha HA!
Have you been funneled into a terrible little prison made of 40-years careers in which you get beaten down by passive-aggressive horseshit? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜