Murrrgh…just drank some coffee, now I’m feeling halfway human. Gotta do some writing before I slap on my business fucking casual and punch in for my cock-withering job.
I flip open my laptop and start typing. Blah-blibbity-blah-blibbity-blah… (dunno if you’ve ever done this, but I’ve come up with tons of material by writing whatever’s on my mind and weaving the disparate mess into some kind of narrative). Ream after ream of stories about robots, Elven sword-dancers, psychedelic adventures, and super-genius dogs flow from my fingertips. I’m actually on autopilot; thinking about paying bills, riding my bike, jiu-jitsu half-guard reversals…
Wait—what the hell? My traitorous fingers have grown a mind of their own! They’ve commandeered the laptop, opening my browser to…
Oh SHIT! 50PlusMilfs! My greatest weakness!
My right hand darts to my wiener, jerking the living shit out of it. Buckets of sperm exit my glans, and in a matter of seconds, I’m reduced to a quivering mess, curled up on the floor and severely dehydrated…
ONE DAY LATER…
Where am I? What happened? Did I—
My right hand—it’s still jerking.
I look down at my torso. Due to the gallons of fluid I’ve lost thru orgasm, I now resemble a desiccated mummy. If zombies saw me, they’d run away screaming in terror. I’ve aged 90 years in the span of a DAY.
So I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
Thanos crashes into my living room, wearing the Infinity Gauntlet complete with all six Infinity Stones. He takes one look at me and his eyes narrow.
“You’re about to die, Kent—stop jerking your damn sausage!”
“I can’t,” I gasp. “My hand—it’s got a mind of its own!”
He runs over to me and tries to pry my hand off my womb-hammer. The Infinity Stones gleam brightly, blazing with coronas of agitated light. Grating squeals erupt from their depths.
“Your hand…” Thanos grips my wrist and pulls with all his might, sweat forming on his prothagonous brow. “So damn strong from years of jerking…don’t know if I can…don’t know if…if…”
He breaks my death-hold grip on my knee-length dick, flying back from the force of the release.
“Fuck.” He holds his gauntleted hand out before him, regarding it with disgust. “Gonna have to wash this.” He looks back at me. “Christ—clean yourself up and drink some gatorade. Get back to writing.” He teleports away in a stop-motion blink.
Whew! That’s right, Hand—can’t stop ME from writing! Nothing can!
(Still love you, though).
Has your dominant set of phalanges lured you away from your literary calling? Never fear!
Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜