Oh ballsack, how I love you so…
I pull out my clit-slapper (I don’t really have a giant sack; but if you’re one of the blessed few, it can pound away at the little man in the canoe like no one’s business) and gaze lovingly at it. This national icon has pulled me through many a dark night…
“THERE HE IS! CASTRATE HIM!”
Da fuq? I glance wildly around and lock eyes with a horde of beta males, all brandishing some form of edged tool.
“Wait!” I throw my hands up in a let’s-think-about-this gesture. “It’s just a warm day—that’s all it is! After I go swimming, it shrinks down to the size of a—”
“What about your giant, upcurved piece?” the lead Beta Male snarls, shaking his machete angrily at me. “You don’t even have to engage in FOREPLAY, motherfucker! Damn thing’s like a heat-seeking missile that goes right for the g-spot!”
He’s got me there.
“Uh, hold on.” I lift up my right index finger. “There’s something you should know before—FUCK YOU!” I turn tail and start running. The beta males sprint after me, hooting and hollering. A few seconds later, they run me into a dead-end alley.
Fuck. No options left. So I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
My fellow cavemen neander-descendants materialize in a bright burst of light. We rip off our shirts, exposing hairy muscled chests, and pound the shit out of our pecs.
“OOH OOH! OOH OOH!”
I wave my arm in a let’s-fuck-these-fuckers-up type of wave. “BIG DICK BATTALION—CHAAAAAARGE!!”
We—the Blessed, Big Dicked Few—surge forward in a furious wave of fists and feet. Beta Males scream as we beat the living snot out of them, and teach them a lesson or twenty about not persecuting the well-endowed.
Are you being chased by a bunch of haters because your nether parts are too damn beautiful? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜