“As part of Third Leg Thursday, please welcome the man you’ve all been waiting for, our hottest draw and biggest Whorebag, sci-fi author and perennial Man Child, KEEeeeeeeeeEEENT WAYNE!”
KC and the Sunshine Band’s “Get Down Tonight” blares over the speakers as I make my way onstage, my big ol’ piece swaying between my knees. Soccer moms go wild and start throwing panties and dollas at my nekkid body, littering the stage with garments and bills. I shake up two cans of whipped cream, throw my head back, fill my mouth with delicious white froth—PSSHHHH—and rub the excess all over my body. The ladies go wild.
The doors burst open. A flood of indignant husbands and their angry douche-jock children flood into the club. Chaos erupts amongst the moms.
“Gotta get the fuck outta here—”
“Let me at that last line of coke—”
“Too much DMT—I’m merging with All That Was and All That Is!”
“LADIES!” I pat the air with my hands, trying to restore order. “If you could please just—”
“You’re dead, Kent—DEAD!” Husbands and douche-sons come surging toward me, making chopping motions down by their crotches. Holy Fuckles—they’re gonna cut off my award-winning salami!
Can’t let that happen. So I reach into my [CENSORED], pull out my eReader, and open it to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
“RAAAAAAHHHH!!!” I throw my arms back and roar at the sky. My wiener launches up from between my kneecaps straight up through the roof, hundreds of feet into the air. For dozens of miles around, my enormous phallus becomes strikingly visible, punching past the cloud layer and poking through the atmosphere.
It is a sign of solidarity, a beacon of fellowship amongst the Thick. A signal that one of their own is in dire straits, and requires the aid of his fellow womb-hammers.
And so they come. They come en masse.
Winged cocks descend from above. Every one of them qualifies as premium penis—girthy, veiny but not TOO veiny, and curved up. They zip through the club, battering my would-be murderers with glans and frenulum.
“AHHH! FLYING COCKS! WHAT THE FUCK!”
“OH GOD IT’S COMING RIGHT AT MY MOUT—GLOMPF!”
“THEY SMELL LIKE CHEESY SOCKS! THE HORROR! THE HORROR!”
I run out of the club, cackling like the cat that got the cream. Trynna stifle my Man Whore madness? Not a chance assholes, not a chance.
HEH heh heh!
Are you trying to slang that dick, but haters be hating on your big ol’ piece? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜