“YOUR BRAIN IS TOO BIG, KENT! HOW’S IT FEEL TO BE UTTERLY HELPLESS, LIKE THE REST OF US DOUCHE-JOCKS WHEN WE’RE FLUMMOXED BY BASIC ARITHMETIC???”
Blake Turner, my high-school nemesis, pummels my belly as his idiot hench-minions pull back on my arms. I grimace and wince like a fucking action hero.
“Not too big for your mom,” I rasp.
“The fuck did you say?” He leans in and gives me a menacing stare. Gross—the pimples on his nose look like goddamn Christmas ornaments.
“Oh I’m sorry—I thought we were talking about cocks. Your mom loves the taste of mine—I’ll let you guys in on a trade secret: smear some lemon juice right beneath the head, and—”
“You FUCKER!” Blake socks me in the belly and I double over, cough-laughing like a movie badass who secretly knows he’s about to turn the tables.
“I’ve got an ace up my sleeve,” I rasp. “Imma bout to destroy you, cockface.”
And before he can respond, I rip an arm free, reach into my pocket, and open my eReader to Echo.
Time slows down. A sheet of paper materializes in my hand, and—fwip-fwip-FWIP—I fold it into a paper airplane. I launch it into the air and little thrusters materialize on its backside. A cockpit bubbles up from its front, and tiny gatling cannons form on its flanks. The cannons spin into overdrive, peppering my enemies with a disgusting blend of feces, piss, and overcooked sperm.
“AAAAHHH!!” Blake and his cronies shield their faces, screaming and yelping like the cocksmears they are. “WHAT THE FUCK!”
I clench my fists and grin maniacally. Perfect time to start singing Ride of the Valkyries. “Daah dah-dah DAH dah, Daah dah-dah DAH dah…”
Blake and his bung-lickers run out the door, gibbering frantically. My airplane from hell follows close behind, keeping them pinned with an unrelenting barrage of Gross. HEH heh heh!
Are you being bullied by some unevolved teenagers? Need to beat them back with a magic paper airplane that’ll coat their faces in week-old poop? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜