Uggghhh…I pat my belly and sigh in contentment. Just ate a whole peecha. Extra jalapenos, extra sausage, extra onions…extra everything.
And now I revel in my glorious, disgusting belly. Food babies are the BEST.
Suddenly, three booming words ring through the air:
“I HAVE WOKEN.”
I bolt up on my couch. What the fuck???
“THE TIME IS NIGH. I WILL FLOOD YOUR DIMENSION WITH FIRE AND WRATH. YOUR FLESHLING BODIES WILL FEED MY ESSENCE.”
“Who are you?” I whimper, looking fearfully around. “WHAT are you?”
A sinister chuckle. “ISN’T IT OBVIOUS?” A rolling grumble emanates from my belly.
It’s MY FOOD BABY!
“HOPE YOU’VE PRACTICED LAMAZE BREATHING, KENT. WHEN I COME THROUGH, IT’S GOING TO FEEL LIKE YOU’RE GIVING BIRTH TO A SPERM WHALE.”
“No! NO!” I drop to the ground and start crawling towards the bathroom, tears leaking down my cheeks. “I don’t want to die!”
“NOT JUST YOU, KENT; YOUR ENTIRE WORLD. OOH HOO HA HA!”
No options left, so I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
Just as my asshole lurches open, my soul rips free of my body and flies into a whirl of aetheric slipstream. Dimensions pass by in the blink of an eye, and then suddenly—
—I materialize in a haze-colored realm. Everywhere I look, for as far as the eye can see, it’s beautiful Soccer Moms and spicy sausage entrees.
One of them smiles at me. “Eat as much as you want for as long as you want, Kent. You’ll never make another one of your disgusting food babies; the only thing you’ll excrete is rainbows and smell-good.”
“Wow…” I look around in utter amazement. “This is heaven, isn’t it?”
The Soccer Mom smiles. “Close enough. Now come here so I can get me some of your thick, upcurved wiener.”
I smile back. “Gladly.”
If this isn’t heaven, then I don’t give a damn.
Because just like she said, it’s close enough.
Have you eaten too much ass-fuel, and now threaten the existence of humanity? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜