Who wants to know how the sausage is made? Damn few, my friends, damn few.
Kent Wayne, Man Whore extraordinaire, at your service.
People think it’s fun and games being a yoked-as-fuck, dick-slangin’ Man Hooer (that’s how I say it on Saint Paddy’s Day, maybe a little culturally insensitive, but I’ve seen Irish authors write it that way) but lemme tell you: it is hard FUCKING WORK! Penis pulls, penis push-ups, penis-pumps, weighted butthole flexes (for butthole strength, in case an adventurous lady-friend tries to invade my holiest of holies with an errant finger; exit ONLY, folks!).
The list goes on. And on. And oooooooonnn.
So when aspiring Man Whores knock at my Temple of Whoredom, I tell ’em all the same thing: fuck the hell off. It ain’t what you think, son. Don’t get me wrong, some of them have what it takes; they sit for days on my temple stoop, slowly withering away, determined to live the life of a Whore. I’ve had thousands of dudes ask me to train them, but I can count on the fingers of one hand how many have actually graduated. If you ain’t ready, Man Whore training will drain you of all your semen, every sperm, and leave you in a catatonic haze.
So when a new Man Whore showed up on the scene, stealing hearts and licking body parts, I got hella nervous. He calls himself “Gram Nummies,” which doesn’t make a damn bit of sense, but he still gets booked for bachelorette parties, finger-bang massages, and no-holds-barred, gushy-slushy fuckfests. He’s stealing my livelihood, dammit!
I’ve managed to track him. Right now he’s performing for Martha Stewart (a Man Whore connoisseur) in the organic, fair-trade fortress that serves as her home. I’m perched in the rafters, looking down at Martha and Gram Nummies, who’s dancing and smiling as he unbuckles his belt.
My eyes narrow. This ballsy motherfucker.
I prepare to swoop down, Batman-style, but something catches my eye. Long hours of ballsack meditation has given me the ability to detect peoples’ auras. There’s something wrong with Gram Nummies; the bunched-up folds on his sixth chakra are a dead giveaway he’s cast an appearance-alteration spell.
So I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
Gram Nummies drops to the floor, convulsing and thrashing. Seconds later, he reverts to his true self:.
Grammar Nazi Prime.
No abs, no grapefruit-sized ballsack, no knee-thwacking mace-wiener…he looks like a male version of a worn-out schoolmarm. Martha is not pleased.
“What the FUCK!” she screams, bolting up from her croc-leather sofa. “You DISGUST ME!”
He raises his hands and blurts out a protest, but she charges forward and throws a prison-honed uppercut, bisecting him at the anus and cutting a bloody path up his torso. His skull explodes into a gory shower of brain and bone.
I beat a quick retreat. After I sneak past her bionic robo-dogs, I let out a quiet chuckle.
Gram Nummies. Get the fuck out of here. HEH heh heh!
Is a douchebag wannabe infringing on your trade? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜