My new business isn’t paying off.
My name is Kent Wayne—sci fi author, professional Man Whore, and three-time award-winner of the most attractive genitals in the Northern Hemisphere. I’ve decided to capitalize on that by teaching a class: Beautify Your Genitals Through the Power of Positive Thinking.
“What the FUCK is this BULLSHIT!” one of my students yells, throwing down his study materials and leaping up from his chair. “I’ve been doing your exercises for SIX GODDAMN WEEKS! Length and circumference are still the same…YOU’RE FULL OF SHIT!” He points a quivering finger at me.
The rest of the students, roughly fifty of them, rise from their seats and start yelling and shouting.
“Uh…” I hiss awkwardly through my teeth, raising both hands in a let’s take it easy gesture. “If you can think it, ink it.”
“ENOUGH WITH YOUR PLATITUDES!” one of them screams. “I WANT A BIGGER COCK, DAMN YOU!”
My mouth goes on autopilot: “Enlightenment is in everything. Go with the flow. Just be yourself. Everything happens for a reason. This too shall pass. Strength is something you choose. Everything is an art. Just think posi—”
“FUCKING KILL HIM!” They topple their chairs and rush me—an unstoppable tide of snarling mouths and furious eyes.
So I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
Tony Robbins crashes through the ceiling, hitting the floor in an anime-style crouch. He straightens up and bellows, “STOP RIGHT THERE, MOUTH-BREATHERS!”
They all stop. Uncertainty and confusion play across their faces.
Tony claps me on the shoulder. “I’ve known Kent here for three past lives. Guy’s the real deal—he helped me enlarge my minuscule wiener from a shriveled little nub into a giant, sea creature-like appendage that looks like some kind of sentient tentacle. You think it’s easy being a human monolith and having a tiny penis? Even an average one looks incredibly small on someone like me.”
Murmurs and mutters.
“So take a seat and listen to what he has to say.” Tony canvasses the students with his gaze. “He’s saved my ass in more ways than one.”
The students take a seat. I wipe my forehead with the back of my hand. WHEW.
Tony gives me his famous, big-toothed smile. “You got this?”
“Yeah.” I smile shakily. “Thanks for the assist, Tones.”
“No, thank YOU, friend. For your freewheeling stories and your thick, upcurved genitals.” He mimes a pair of pistols, shoots me a double pkew-pkew, and strides out.
And THAT is how Tony Robbins saved my life. He did it because I taught him an ancient technique that made his piece into an enormous, delicious womb-hammer.
Are your self-help students about to go full-on Frankenstein mob on your terrified ass? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜