Hum dee fucking dum…just got off work and finished the drive home. Now I’m about to walk into my homey little studio, ready to cook me some veggies and meat, slough off the fake-as-fuck corporate smile, and commence with my pre-bedtime jerk. Not a bad life, but I sure wish I had more time to wri—
The fuck? The door’s ajar. Someone’s inside.
I unsling my backpack, ready to use it as an impromptu weapon. “Hello?” I try to keep my voice from shaking. “Anyone in there?” I slowly push the door inward, and it creaks noisily on its rusted hinges.
“Hello?” I step into my living room, my eyes flicking nervously from side to side. “Who’s there?”
My gaze locks onto a cloaked figure who’s sitting in my office chair, facing away from me. She swivels around, her fingers tented in front of her chest. Due to the dimmed lights and her long hood, I can only see the lower half of her face. Nevertheless, I still recognize her pouty red lips.
It’s Taylor Fucking Swift.
She stands up and draws her hood away from her face. I take an involuntary step back.
“Heard you’ve been whoring that beautiful cock out to desperate soccer moms.” Her eyes gleam dully in the darkened apartment. “Seems like you’ve forgotten that it’s MY cock, fuckboy.”
“Uh, I’m pretty sure it’s not. I was born with it and it’s attached to me, so…”
“Everything belongs to Taylor.” She spreads her arms and looks around. “The world was made for Taylor.”
I cock my head. “Since when did you start talking in the third person?”
Instead of answering, she rolls a latex glove onto her right hand, wriggles her fingers, pulls back on the base, then lets it snap loudly against her skin. “You’re getting the whole fist. We’ll start with fingers, but goddamn—I hope you’ve been doing some advanced stretches. Bead-work ain’t gonna cut it—not with what I’m planning.”
“No.” I stretch my hand out and back up, bumping against my pass-through counter. “NO!”
“Yep.” She grins malevolently at me, drinking in my fear.
Then she rushes forward, choke-slams me against the wall, and bends me over a stool. A quick yank of my pants, and the index goes in. SHLOOP!
I’m okay for now; I’ve gone as high as one index and one middle in an attempt to find the male g-spot (concluded I don’t have one) but if she ends up fisting me, I’ll probably have to wear diapers and walk around on crutches for at least a month.
So I reach in my pocket and open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
A fresh, sensitive prostate bubbles into existence inside my body. As Taylor’s fingers brush against it, my boner rises to full-mast, then blasts out a 600-mph packet of goop. It ricochets off the floor, the wall, and—
—hits her right in the face, spreading across her eyes like Spider-man’s webbing. She stumbles back, hands clutching the air, wailing in fury. I dart out the door, hiking my pants up.
“DAMN YOU, KENT WAYNE!” She yells. “DAMN YOU AND YOUR MAN WHORE MAGICS!!!”
As I run down the street, a giant, cheese-eating grin spreads wide across my face.
Kent Wayne escapes again! Ha HA!
Has one of your old flames gone Batshit Cray-cray and attempted to subject you to Level 17 Porn Star Training? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization, and last but not least, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com! Go check out his computer-based wizardry 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜