There’s no such thing as a free lunch—that’s what they say. Well I’m here to tell you that’s not the case.
I grab two fistfuls of dirty cash from my under-the-bed piggy bank and hold them up to my nose, closing my eyes as I take in a giant whiff of my Man Whore earnings. Ah Godddddddd…that’s the stuff.
Yep—despite being a grown-ass man who’s well into his thirties, I still like to keep my savings in a cartoon-faced piggy bank and smell it like I was an undy-centric pervert. (You all know exactly what I’m talking about; spare me your lies.)
There truly is a God. Sure I may be a little dinged up from my time in the service, but I’m slanging a big ol’ piece between my thighs, I earn some paper by writing about make-believe, and I still got the motivation to get my ass up, eat good food, and hit them weights so I can look all sleek and sexy. What the hell’s not to like? I mean—
“KENT WAYNE!” A clenched fist bangs on my door. “OPEN THE FUCK UP!”
Oh SHIT!—the Adulting Police! Motherfuckers are here to drag me back into the depths of respectability! Well to that I say—
“Eat my ass!” I yell, springing up off my couch. “That’s BEFORE I shower, and AFTER my squats! Come and get me, you low-down sonsabitches!”
I rush into my bedroom at the same time they break through my door, batons and guns at the ready. I reach for my bug-out bag, but—
—fuck! One of them riddles it with a three-round burst from a submachine gun. I snatch my hand back and crawl toward the window, puffs of fabric flying up as they riddle my bed with dozens of rounds. The fire stops and I hear clips drop out…
I break from cover and crash through my window, out into the clear sunny blue. An instant later I’m free-falling down past the sheer surface of my fiftieth-story apartment. I reach into my—
—and pull out my eReader. I clench it tight to my chest against the vicious slipstream, then open it to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
Aetheric energy sections across my feet and my hands, forming into hard-light, holographic jets—a lot like the ones used by Iron Man—only these are rendered in luminescent, symbol-threaded wireframe. Repulsor energy burps and sputters from the centers of my psychomagical enhancments, and I stop in the air, swinging my hands jerkily back and forth as I balance my thrust.
“Whoa! WHOA! Okay…okay. Got it.”
And then I bring my hands to my sides, my ankles together, and point my head toward the San Francisco skyline.
As I jet away and make my escape, I can hear the Adulting Police yelling at me from the lip of my broken window:
“DAMN YOU KENT WAYNE! DAAAAAMMMMNNN YOOOOUUuuuuu…”
Ha HA! Kent Wayne escapes again! I will NEVER go back to being a respectable adult—you hear me??? NEVER!
Have the Adulting Police broken down your door in a fascist attempt to strap you into a gray-walled cubicle? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! And last but not least, here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜