“CHOW DOWN, KENT!” The demon pit lord screams, cracking his nine tailed whip above my head. “THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR BEING A SOCCER-MOM SEDUCING DEVIANT WHEN YOU WERE STILL ALIVE BACK ON EARTH! HOLY SATAN DO I LOVE MY JOB!”
I stare dubiously at the steaming bowl of dook they’ve placed in front of me. To my right and my left, mass murderers, pedos, and financiers are eating big ol’ logs of Brown Nasty, forcing them down their sickly faces.
The pit lord cracks his whip again, causing me to duck and flinch.
“CHOW THE FUCK DOWN, I SAID! OR WE’LL PUT YOU TO WORK AS A GRAMMAR NAZI!”
I’m not supposed to be here, I’m fucking sure of it. Yeah, okay—I’ve parted loads of Soccer Mom thighs, but does that really earn me a fire-ringed spot in the Bad Place? I mean come on—choosing between being a Grammar Nazi or a fecal freak? What the hell kind of choice is that? I’ve never eaten a turd, but I’ve had plenty of tofurkey, and that’s close enough, goddammit.
So I reach in my pocket and open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
Instantly, every demon around me is transformed into a bespectacled nerdling. They blink confusedly…then essays start materializing above their heads, drifting down in a gentle float. As they descend, I levitate upward.
“Enjoy being Grammar Nazis, you sadistic bastards. Best get to work—those papers need grading.” I make sure they see me giving ’em the finger as I’m pulled out of the depths of Hell.
Before I disappear, I can hear them screaming.
“NOOOOOO!!! PLEASE—LET ME EAT SHIT! ANYTHING BUT THIS!!!”
Kent Wayne escapes again! Ha HA!
Have you accidentally been sent to Hell, and now court a fate worse than eating poop for millennia on end? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! And last but not least, here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜