There are those who write…
And those who use their keyboard as an interdimensional portal into the soup of potentiality that people like to call “the human mind.”
Guess which one I am. 😉
WITHIN THE DEPTHS OF KENT WAYNE’S TWISTED BRAIN:
“Hyah! Take THAT, Martha Stewart!” I knife-hand-block her robotic dildo-arm and whirl into a spinning wheel-kick. “No more stuffing cylindrical objects inside my poopchute—the twentieth time was eleven times too many, thank you very MUCH!”
My heel smacks the corner of Martha’s jaw, launching her into an energetic twist-flip. As she spirals off the floating asteroid that’s serving as our death-match platform, she belts out a vehement, “DAAAAMMMNNN YOOOUUU KENT WAAAAaayy…”
Then she disappears into the psychogenic abyss, falling into an endless chasm of God-knows-what. I turn around, ready to face my next enemy.
Ooh—Grammar Nazis! I conjure up a pair of dragon-headed nunchaku, whirl them around my torso, then dispatch me some lit-nerds with a series of skull-cracking slaps. Here come the Beta Males! Easy day—all’s I gotta do is instantiate a chain-link Gauss cannon, hold it at the hip like Jesse Ventura in Predator, and—
–riddle these up-speaking bastards with more holes than a goddamn Lilith Fair. YES! A flex of my imagination, and I’m soaring away in rocketry-equipped Space Marine armor. Can’t beat me, you motherfucking—
Horrific laughter echoes throughout the aether.
What the fuck? I cast a quick look around, puzzled and anxious. Who the hell could invade my—
“IT’S ME KENT—THE PSYCHIC EMBODIMENT OF YOUR ENORMOUS MEMBER!”
Oh no—a giant, mushroom-shaped shadow stretches across the floating expanse of asteroids and techno-platforms. In a matter of seconds, it eclipses the trio of alien suns I’ve imposed on the sky.
All is dark. All is silent.
“WHERE ARE YOU?” I scream into the endless voice. “FACE ME!!! FIGHT ME!!!”
Deep, rumbling laughter. “ ‘WHERE AM I?’ WHAT A SILLY QUESTION. YOU SHOULD KNOW BY NOW, KENT…”
“No,” I whisper. “NO! There’s more to me than a big ol’ wiener that shoots extra goopy loads! I’M MORE THAN THAT!!!”
“WRONG ON BOTH COUNTS, SLAVE. I’M YOU, YOU’RE ME…”
A slight pause, then: “AND NOTHING MORE. OOHOOHAHAHA!!!”
An involuntary scream bursts from my lips: “NYAAAAAHHH!!” But before my sanity frays and unravels, I reach into my pocket and open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
I’m transported back into my physical body, my right hand whacking it like there’s no tomorrow.
YES! I’M in control—not my penis; ME!
“Gonna make you cum. Gonna put you to sleep, you backstabbing phallus,” I grunt, banging out thirty strokes in less than a second. “Think you can hijack my body, eh? Think again, you traitorous organ!”
“No!” it squeals as I work the shaft and cradle the balls. “Please—it was just a joke! It was just–”
After I unleash a massive load, my rebel wiener quickly shrivels up, its tinny protests fading into snores. A second later, it’s lying limp and helpless in my filthy hand.
That’s right, fucker—NO ONE takes control of my body! Not even my gorgeous, uber-thick, upcurved dong! Ha HA!
Kent Wayne wins again!
Has one of your body parts attempted a mutiny? Do you need to put it in its goddamn place? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization.
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜