“KENT! GET YER ASS OVER HERE!”
“Yes, Orc Leader!” I call, sliding into my dragon-scale breastplate and hurrying out of my yurt. On the way out, I snatch up my jagged, square-bladed broadsword and jam it into my back-sheath.
GungerBung, our Orc Chieftain, is standing in the middle of the encampment, arms crossed over his brawny chest. He gives me a suspicious look, then leans to the side and spits in the mud. “When we attack the Elves, yer gonna be in the first wave. Pack yer shortbow, ’cause–”
“I don’t want to hurt any Elves!” The words burst from my mouth before I can stop myself. “They’re always so nice to me! The Elven moms smell so pretty, and whenever Solstice Truce comes around, they always wanna give me a massage. Come on, Chief—lemme sit this one out. Aren’t there any humans to buttfuck, or–”
GunderBung points his finger right at my face. “YER OUTTA LINE, KENT! YOU JUST ADMITTED TER FRATERNIZIN’ WITH THE ENEMY! YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT THAT MEANS??? I’M GONNA HAVE YOU WHIPPED AND BEATEN WITHIN AN INCH A’ YER LIFE!
My filed teeth clench together. “That ain’t gonna happen,” I murmur in a low, tight voice.
“Oh it most certainly IS!” He lifts his head and raises a cupped hand up to his mouth. “HEY! I NEED SOME PAIN-BRINGERS! GOTTA CORNHOLE A TRAITOR!”
SHIT! Pain Bringers are the most vicious, flesh-tearing sons of whores in all of existence! A corn-holing from them is like accidentally sitting on a super thick cactus while holding a stack of extra heavy weights!
As a quartet of super-muscley Orc-magnons come tromping toward me, I realize I’m out of options. So I reach in my satchel and unravel the scroll containing Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash. An ethereal, glimmering wind sweeps into our encampment, swirling in a circle and forming into a dozen Elven Soccer Moms.
The lead mom stands tall and belts out, “LEAVE THAT GRADE-A COCKMEAT ALONE, YOU UNEDUCATED SAVAGES!”
Holy shiz-bag! The Elven moms charge forward, punching through hearts, breaking backs, and gouging out eyes with their bare fucking hands. Three of them run over to me and start groping my junk and grabbing my ass. The next thing I know, I’m getting fellated by a pair of enchanted-as-fuck, perfectly-formed lips. BOOYAH!
And then an enchanted-as-fuck finger goes straight up my poopchute. A protest begins to form in my mouth—“NNN—” but I bite it back a second later.
’Cause beggars can’t be choosers—an Elven mom’s finger beats a big ol’ Orc dick, any day of the freakin’ week!
Are you a low-ranking Orcish peon who’s inadvertently pissed off your dickhead Chieftain? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization, and last but not least, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com! Go check out his computer-based wizardry 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜