The road is long…
But my cock is not.
What the FUCK, man??? What the hell’s the use of being a world-renowned author if you’re denied the pleasure of sinking a thick, girthy, pork sword into a super hot milf’s drippy-wet whisker biscuit? I’ve tried pumps, weights, Scientology, Ouija magic…NONE OF IT WORKS! FUCK!
Which is why I’m climbing a nameless, wind-scoured peak in the Himalayan mountain range, dressed like Bruce Wayne in Batman Begins. You think HE was angry? Lemme tell ya—Small Dick Fury beats familial tragedy ANY DAY OF THE FUCKING WEEK! RRRRRAAAHHH!!! I’M SO MAD! IT’S SO UNFAIR!!!!
I power up the mountainside like a roided out mountain goat, leaping over the unforgiving terrain at a 3-minute-per-mile pace. You wanna know the secret to medaling in the Olympics? It ain’t the latest greatest performance enhancing drugs, it’s nabbing a gerbil-dicked rage-monster who has to wear a reinforced mouthpiece when he goes to sleep, because his unheralded anger makes him grind REGULAR mouthpieces into a gooey, pulpy mess. FUCK!
A double-doored monastery looms large before me. Instead of knocking, I kick the door down with a booted heel. BOOM! Ninja-monks scramble up from their seated meditation, brandishing katanas, whip-chains, and a variety of pole-arms. Fifty yards behind them, the head monk—he’s dressed in an ornate set of gold-filigreed robes—crosses his arms, tucking his hands into his voluminous sleeves.
“To claim what you seek, you must prove yourself in battle.”
“Well don’t keep me waiting,” I hiss.
They charge me in a shadowy rush, swinging blades and sickles, spears and staves. I flit from side-to-side, smashing faces, snapping knees, and breaking elbows by levering them viciously down onto my shoulder. Nothing can stop a man who’s been cursed with a nubby little pencil-dick—you hear me??? NOTHING!!!
Less than a minute later, fifty ninjas are strewn across the deck, moaning and bleeding. I’ve boss-pwned the entire monastery without breaking a sweat or raising my heart rate.
As I walk forward, my boots clop loudly against the echo-ey meditation hall’s stoneworked floor. The head monk holds both hands out and takes a fearful step back.
“Now hold on a second. Uh…there’s a few other things that you gotta—”
My hand shoots out, grabbing him tightly around the throat. I squeeze his windpipe and lift him off the deck.
“Where. IS IT?”
“Gkkk…KKKK…here…” he manages. His trembling hand reaches into his robes and withdraws an eReader. I snatch it away and open it to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
*Cue the He-man music, billion-dollar laser show, and interstellar collisions*
Blinding swirls of eldritch energy spin up and down my body. I arch back and let out a primal scream, my hair fluttering and whipping from the howling, arcane rush.
And then suddenly, it stops. There’s a rapid unfurling noise—fwip-fwip-fwip—then a meaty-sounding THUNK. I look down, and spot the bowling-ball-sized head of my cock resting next to my right foot. It appears to be breathing; its massive glans are rising and falling in slow, steady time.
The head monk clears his throat. “So it is. So shall it be.” He lifts both arms to the heavens.
“THE MAN WHORE COMETH! LET THE SOCCER MOMS OF EARTH REJOICE AND ORGASM!”
(Give me a call, soccer moms. HEH heh heh! 😉 😛 😀 )
Do you have everything in the world, except for the ONE THING THAT MATTERS??? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization, and last but not least, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com! Go check out his computer-based wizardry 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜