The first time I shat in the shower was on my 29th birthday. I had a spontaneous vision of Steven Seagal and Gary Busey slathering each other with several gallons of extra gooey lotion—they were both dressed in nothing more than a pair of heart-dotted speedos—whilst making out like horned up kids at a senior prom after party. That has nothing to do with what I’m about to say, but I thought you should know.
Yesterday, at approximately three am pacific, I was accosted by a quintet of aliens, who had been living a clandestine lifestyle, ever since they landed in Roswell. (the dark web is good for something other than consumer-reviewed drugs. You can find good scoop on there about aliens, if you look hard enough.)
They yanked me from my bed through telekinetic means. I tried to fight them off, but their mental voodoo was too damn strong. So I opened my magic eReader to Echo, triggering its reality distortion powers, which were accompanied by a bright flash of magic light.
The short, big-headed bastards transformed into five soccer moms of the highest caliber. After giving me a quick crotch grope (apparently, they had to be sure the legends were true, and I assure you they are—thick, curved up, and diamond hard. HEH heh heh!), they exchanged a series of satisfied nods, then began to molest me with the same ardor they might have displayed at a quinoa giveaway based out of a Target, Pier One Imports, or a kitschy farmer’s market with all the buzzwords—fair trade, organic, farm to table—plastered onto every stand in sight.
They proceeded to drain every ounce of semen from my Man Child body, and every single gamete from my pendulous ballsack. I lapsed into a cum-drunk coma for three days, phasing in and out of consciousness, murmuring the names of past lovers beneath my breath, as well as the 30-lives cheat code to Contra 1 and the Justin Bailey password for Metroid.
As a result of this unheralded fuck-fest, I’m now confined to a wheelchair, slowly rebuilding myself one sperm at a time. Please—if you could buy a copy of Echo and throw it a positive review, it would go a long way towards purchasing the enchanted unicorn milk I need to restore my ballsack to its former fecundity. Not only that, but if you’re going through a dry spell, you can open your eReader to Echo and transform any nearby aliens into a gang of super hot freak-holes down for a Babylonion-style orgy. Lend a helping hand to your favorite Man Whore AND plunge into a veritable sea of demon-voiced monster-gasms…all at the same freakin’ time!
Help a Man Whore in need. Get your butt rimmed. Do it. Do it now.
Wanna put some credit in the karmic bank and simultaneously experience an amaze-balls boff session that’s so damn intense that you spend 90% of it flopping and writhing like a fish out of water? I’ve got just the thing! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization, and last but not least, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com! Go check out his computer-based wizardry 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜