The dirty bastards—they’ve caught me unawares. Lured me into a cage using a trailer-formed montage from Fiftyplusmilfs. I grip the bars and stare helplessly at my captor.
“This is what we do to creative people, Kent.” Professor Horfendorff—my Grammar Nazi college literature oppressor—takes his seat at a mahogany table. He tucks a one-million thread-count napkin into his collar, and rings a tiny golden bell positioned three inches from his right hand.
“The main course, Harkins.”
“Of course, professor.” Jeremiah Harkins—Horfendorff’s #1 brown-noser and dedicated essayist—walks over with a silver bowl covered by a knob-topped dome. He lays it down and lifts the lid, revealing a pulsing brain lying inside a cool blue nutrient bath. A mess of tubes lead from a plastic life support pack into various points across the brain.
Grossest. Thing. EVER.
“OH MY—” I can’t get the words out. “NNNNNN….” My gorge flexes in and out. I clutch the bars and bend over, letting loose with a wild stream of barf. Horfendorff picks up his knife and fork.
As I wipe away tears, he begins sawing into the brain. “You upset the Natural Order, Kent. We Grammar Nazis already live a soulless, micro-phallused existence. So there’s no way we can tolerate a big-dicked author who inspires people by invoking that wild lift of heart that infuses writing with fresh life.” He slips a red-veined piece of gray matter into his mouth and chews thoughtfully. “Mm,” he remarks, dabbing at his lips with the corner of his napkin. “The prefrontal cortex is the tastiest bit. That’s where all the decision-making happens, you know.”
“You…like brains?” I manage. My fingers tremble and shake. Sweat is pouring down my cheeks, dripping off my chin. “I got something for your twisted ass.”
Then I reach into my pocket and open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
Fwip-fwip-fwip-FWIP! My “cat’s brain” (I’m referring to my scrotum, in case the slang went over your head, HEH heh heh!) comes flying out of my pants, filling the room like Tetsuo’s tumorous weirdness from the classic anime “Akira.” Harkins manages a panicked yell before my disgusting sack engulfs him in a mass of wiry-haired wrinkles. Horfendorff gags and chokes.
I yell, “Hope you ordered extra cheese, bitch!” as smeg-coated scrote forces its way down Horfendorff’s gullet, cutting off his frantic pleading. My cage bursts open from the sheer pressure of my testicular tsunami and I blast through the window, crouching low and surfing a wave of undulating ballsack. That’s what you get for trynna eat my brain, ya Grammar Nazi dickbags!
Kent Wayne escapes again! Ha HA! 😀
Is your banal-ass English professor dead set on consuming your creative drive? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization, and last but not least, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com! Go check out his computer-based wizardry 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜